


Listen To Your Heart

by lovelarry10



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, BL Fic Fest 2019, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Breathplay, Childhood Friends, Deaf Harry, Disability, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Jealous Louis, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Harry, Pining, Sign Language, Smut, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:27:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21549100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelarry10/pseuds/lovelarry10
Summary: Are you kidding me right now?I… No?Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it.Give it a rest, Harry.Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor…*****Louis has always been comfortable being Harry’s one and only. When Harry starts to branch out, Louis has a hard time letting him go.Harry is very lucky to have someone who listens to what he has to say, despite the fact that he’s deaf. He’s finally feeling like he’s coming into himself, but Louis seems bothered by his newfound confidence.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 170
Kudos: 1228
Collections: Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2019





	Listen To Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Important info:  
> When Harry and Louis communicate with in signed conversations, Harry's signed words are in bold italics, and Louis' are in italics. I hope this clarifies and it's easy to follow.
> 
> Enjoy reading, I really loved writing this!
> 
> Please do leave a comment and let me know your thoughts, I love to read them! X
> 
> xx
> 
> DISCLAIMER:  
> This is a work of fiction. All characters are of my own creation and in no way reflect the beliefs and actions of those in real life. Any sexual content is consensual and legal per the consent guidelines in the United Kingdom. Please ensure you read the tags before proceeding with this story - they are there to protect you and me. If you believe anything is in any way triggering for you, please do not continue reading. 
> 
> Reposting of this work is a violation of copyright and will be reported. I also do not permit any translations of my work.

**2005: Harry aged four, Louis aged five.**

Park days were always the best days for Louis. There was nothing more fun than his mum telling him they were going to the park, and that if he was a good boy, he could get an ice-cream while they were there. The park was full of the best things in the whole world. They had swings that made you feel like you could take off and end up in space if you could just swing high enough, and the slipperiest slide where Louis shot out of the end like some sort of superhero flying to the rescue. There was the roundabout he hated because of the time some bigger boys span him so fast that he stumbled off and was sick all over the grass and his brand new cool red trainers. But his favourite thing of all was the sand pit. 

He’d brought his own purple bucket from home today along with his yellow spade and was now sat down on his bum in the corner, happily filling his bucket with the soft sand. His mum had drizzled a bit of water into it earlier so it stuck together to make the castle. Castle building was a serious business. Louis made sure to pat the sand down with the flat surface of his spade, his little arms straining as he lifted up the heavy bucket, counting down in his head before he flipped it over, letting it land upside down on the smooth surface he’d created near his feet.

“Magic tap, magic tap, magic tap,” Louis chanted, just as Mum showed him how on the beach when they went on holiday last year. He knocked the corner of the spade on the bottom of the bucket as he said the magic words, and then set the spade down by his knee, close enough that nobody else in the sand pit could steal it. Nanny had bought that for him, and it was very special, thank you very much. His tongue wiggled out between his lips in concentration as Louis carefully started to shuffle the bucket up slowly, not too quickly in case it all fell apart. Bit by bit, his masterpiece was revealed and Louis grinned when it was done, the perfect castle stood up proudly. “Mummy! Mummy, look, I did it!”

Louis’ mum walked over from where she’d been sat on the bench nearby, reading her book. She crouched down next to where Louis had built his castle and gasped, her beautiful eyes shining as she took in what he’d made all by himself.

“Clever boy! Did you do the magic tap trick?”

“Yep, I ‘membered!” Louis said gleefully, clapping his sandy hands together. “Maybe next time we buy some flags and I can put them in the top like a real royal castle?”

“Maybe, love. You want to stay in here for a bit, or play somewhere else?”

“Um…” Louis thought hard on it for a moment, determined to make the right decision. Who knows how long it would be before he got to come and play in the sand pit again, especially on a lovely sunny day like today. “Stay here. Wanna make another castle.”

“Okay, sweetie. I’ll be over there still, call me if you need me.”

But Louis was already back to refilling his bucket, ready to add to his castle collection, shuffling over slightly to give himself enough room. He saw another child come and sit in the pit out of the corner of his eye but he paid them no attention, concentrating hard on making sure he used the slightly wet sand, not the soft dry stuff, as nice as it felt between his fingers and toes sometimes. It was only when Louis could hear a loud cry that he finally looked up, seeing a dark haired boy face down in the sandpit. Louis quickly got to his little feet and walked over, his trainer-clad feet sinking in the sand, but Louis was worried. He didn’t like it when people were hurt, and he always wanted to help.

He stopped near what he realised was a little boy and put his hand on the boy’s back, just as Mummy did when Louis hurt himself and he rubbed gently.

“Are you okay? Want me to get your mummy?”

The little boy didn’t even look up at Louis’ words. He just shuffled onto his bottom and started wiping at his eyes with his sandy hands, and Louis knew that would just make it worse.

“No, you’ll put the sand in your eyes, and that hurts! Let me help you-”

There was a louder wail then and Louis bit his lip, eyes filling with tears. He was scared his mum would think he’d been bad to the boy, that he’d knocked him over and hurt him when all he was trying to do was to be kind and be a good friend. He saw a lady running over, coming to kneel next to the pair of them, and Louis felt like he was going to be sick. Luckily, though, the lady didn’t seem cross as she pulled the crying boy into her lap, her t-shirt soaking up the boys tears.

“I didn’t hurt him, was just trying to help,” Louis mumbled, his bottom lip wobbling now. He ran his fingers through the sand, trying to think about how soft and lovely it felt, instead of how bad he felt inside that the crying boy didn’t want his help. “Mummy says I should always be kind if someone’s hurt, and I tried…”

“I know, sweetheart,” the nice lady soothed, smiling at Louis, and already he felt a little better. He knew the lady wasn’t cross, and that made the sicky feeling in his tummy go away a little. “I saw you try to help Harry. It’s not your fault, I promise. Harry can’t hear, darling, so he was just scared.”

“He can’t hear?” Louis asked, not really understanding how somebody couldn’t hear if they had ears on the side of their head like Louis did. His worked, so why couldn’t the boy- Harry, he reminded himself, why couldn’t Harry’s ears work? “Why not?”

“He was just born that way,” the lady said, tucking Harry’s hair behind his ears, revealing something plugged into them. Louis stood up and crept closer, curious now to see why the boy had funny things in his ears. He’d only seen people wear earrings like his mum’s, and they definitely weren’t like that. “Those are his hearing aids. He’s only had them a while, so he’s not used to them yet. But thank you for trying to help, to be his friend.”

“S’okay. I like making new friends.”

Louis walked around behind the lady and tapped Harry on the shoulder, finally getting the boy to look up at him. He gave Harry his best smile, the one Mummy had made him practise over and over again for his school photo a few weeks ago, and he felt proud when the boy gave him a little smile back, making a funny hole appear in his cheek. He waved, hoping the boy would want to be his friend now. Louis knew you could never have enough friends.

“Want to come on the slide?” he asked, pointing to it and then to himself, hoping Harry would understand. He held out his hand, and wanted to cry when Harry wriggled from his mum’s lap, putting his hand right into Louis’ and holding on tight, eyes wide as he looked back at what Louis thought must be his mummy as they looked the same. “Can I take him on the slide? I’m a good friend, I promise. My name is Louis, and I’m five. How old is Harry?”

“Okay, Louis, that’s very kind. He’s four, just a bit younger than you. I’m sitting over there with Harry’s sister if you need us. Have fun!”

“We will,” Louis grinned before tugging on Harry’s hand, the pair walking side by side over to the slide. Harry looked uncertain as he hovered at the bottom of the slide, bringing up the hem of his t-shirt to his mouth, chewing on it. “Eww, don’t do that, Mummy says you get germs,” Louis laughed, pulling the t-shirt from Harry’s mouth, surprising the small boy. “Let’s climb up.”

Louis knew Harry couldn’t hear but somehow, it didn’t stop him from chattering as he led the way up the steps first, pausing every few to make sure Harry was following him, which he was. When they finally reached the top, which felt like they were at the top of the tallest tower in the whole world, Louis peered over the edge, watching the other children run around. Harry stood at the entrance to the slide, biting his lip again. 

“Want to go down with me?” Louis asked, pointing at Harry and then himself. Harry nodded slowly, and Louis pointed for him to sit before shuffling up behind the little boy, holding him tight around the tummy. That was what Mummy did when they went on the big slide on holiday, and Louis had felt super safe so he figured it would help Harry feel safe too. He tapped the little boy’s leg, getting Harry to look back at him for a second. “Ready?”

He pointed down the slide and Harry nodded, his little hands on top of Louis’ now, holding on tight as Louis shuffled them to the edge, his tummy buzzing with excitement, already wanting to feel the wind whooshing through his hair as they slid down. Almost there… Louis made the last movement and they dropped down, his arms clutching Harry tightly to him until they shot out of the end of the slide, landing on their bottoms on the patch of soft black stuff.

Louis waited, hoping Harry would like it when suddenly, the little boy burst out in the best laugh Louis thought he’d ever heard in his whole entire life. Harry’s eyes scrunched up until they were all crinkly at the sides, and the holes in his face were even bigger, and Louis kind of wanted to stick his finger in one to see what it felt like. His cheeks were pink, and quickly, Harry got to his feet, grabbing Louis’ hand again, pointing at the slide.

“You want to go again?”

Louis just let Harry drag him back over to the slide and off they went, Harry making sure Louis was sat behind him each time, holding his hands tightly around his belly until they’d done it so many times, Louis felt a little bit sicky. They held hands as they walked over to the roundabout, but Louis just promised to push Harry slowly, running around with the bar in his hands, Harry laughing away as he whirled in circles. Luckily, the big boys weren’t around so Louis wasn’t too worried. When it finally stopped turning, they both ran off, and Louis laughed at how he couldn’t run in a straight line.

The fun stopped when Harry was running off too quickly and stumbled over a twig on the ground, landing on his knees. He quickly went onto his bottom, looking at the red patches, silent tears falling as he rubbed them. Louis came and rubbed them too, pleased to see no blood coming out which meant he wasn’t too badly hurt. He could see Harry’s mummy watching but he just smiled at her, hoping she knew he was still being a good friend and looking after Harry very, very well.

“Why’s he crying? S’not a bad cut, is it? He must be a baby ‘cause boys don’t cry-”

“Hey, don’t be mean. He’s only small, and it hurts when you fall on your knees. My mummy says it’s okay for boys to cry so go away!”

“I don’t want to be friends with _you_ anyway-” the other boy shouted back at Louis, stomping his foot on the floor and making a mean face as Louis got to his feet, glaring back as best he could, wanting the other kid to go far away from him and Harry.

“Good! I don’t need any more friends! Harry is my best friend, and I don’t care if he cries! He’s the best friend ever so leave us alone!”

The other boy stuck his tongue out, which Louis knew was _really rude_ (he got his telly time taken away if he did it) so he just ignored the boy, turning back to Harry and holding out his hands, helping his new best friend onto his feet.

“I really love your trainers,” he smiled, pointing to Harry’s feet. “They’re so cool. Let’s go back on the slide, yeah?”

Harry pointed to the slide and Louis nodded, getting a smile out of the teary boy again. He reached out and wiped Harry’s tears away with his hands, rubbing them on his own shorts when he was done and ran off, hand in hand with his new friend.

“Louis! Can you come down with Harry please? I need to take him home now,” Harry’s mum called up, and Louis nodded, getting them both sat down at the top of the slide again. They held hands once more until they came out of the end of the tunnel, laughing and smiling up at Harry’s mummy. She started moving her hands at Harry as she talked and Louis watched in amazement, trying to work out what she was doing. “Did you have fun?”

Harry just nodded and turned to Louis, smiling at him and making a move with his hands too.

“What did he do with his hands?” Louis asked, a little confused. Harry’s mummy smiled gently at the pair.

“He told me you’re his friend, Louis.”

“That’s so cool! I think he’s my best friend too. How do I do it?”

Harry’s mummy showed him how to say friend with his hands, not his mouth, and the smile on Harry’s face when Louis did it was so special. 

“Thank you for playing with Harry, love. He doesn’t usually have anyone to play with at the park, just his sister. You’re a very lovely boy.”

Louis felt happy at that, knowing his mum would love to hear that someone thought he’d been a good boy, and he decided to run over and tell her as soon as Harry had gone home.

“He was fun. We’re best friends now, so can you come to the park again so we can play?”

“Louis… who are you talking to, love?”

It was Louis’ mummy and he ran over, holding her hand and bringing her to meet his new friend.

“This is my new friend, Harry! We were playing on the slide together, we’re best friends now. Harry can’t hear ‘cause his ears don’t work even though he’s got two ears like me. Harry’s mummy showed me how to talk to Harry with my hands, look!”

Louis made the sign for ‘friend’ again and Harry giggled, resting his head on his mummy’s tummy as he made the sign back at Louis, the pair smiling at each other.

“Well, that’s lovely. Hi, I’m Johannah, I’m Louis’ mum. Sounds like our boys have been having fun.”

“I’m Anne, Harry’s mum. And they really have. Most children don’t want to play with Harry when they realise he’s deaf, so I’m really grateful to your boy. He’s lovely, a real credit to you.”

“Oh thank you, that’s so kind. Would you like to exchange numbers? Maybe we could arrange to bring the boys to the park again, if Harry would like to play with Louis again?”

Louis watched as Harry’s mummy asked him more things with her hands and Harry nodded, grinning up at her as he moved his hands too. Louis reached up, tapping Harry’s mummy’s hip to get her attention.

“‘Scuse me but what are you saying? I only knowed one word, not all of these words with your hands!”

“I was just telling Harry that you would like to play with him at the park again, and he said he’d like that too. Maybe next time, I could show you a few more words to say with your hands?”

“Yes please!” Louis said, jumping up and down with the thought of not only playing with his new best friend again, but also learning more cool hand words. His friends at school would be so jealous of him on Monday morning. “Mummy, can I play with Harry more and learn more hand words?”

“Course, love. I’ll call Anne and arrange something. Say bye to Harry for now, though. We should get home too, make a start on tea and you need to practise your sounds for school.”

“Okay. Um, Harry’s mummy, how do I say bye to Harry with my hands?”

“Just wave, love. Like you would to someone who could hear.”

Louis did so, waving his hand at Harry who shyly waved back, hugging up to his mum again. Louis felt sad as he watched his new friend walk away with his mum, his sister following behind them, looking very grown up and moody, like the big girls at school who scared Louis a bit with their funny giggles and weird hairdos. 

“Mummy, that was the best fun ever!” Louis said, holding his mum’s hand as they walked home, feeling a bit tired now. “Harry is super kind, even if he can’t hear me. Is that what deaf means?”

“Yes, love. Deaf people can’t hear, so they talk with their hands, and sometimes they have hearing aids to help them hear a little.”

“He had those too but Harry’s mummy said they was new and he didn’t know them properly yet. I’ll help him make friends, but you know what?”

“What, sweetheart?” his mum asked, looking down and smiling at her son. Louis always thought his mummy looked the most beautiful when she smiled at him like that. She was the prettiest lady in the whole of the world.

“He’s always gonna be my bestest friend. He was mine first. We’ll be friends forever.”

“Well, I hope so, Louis. That would be nice.”

“No, it’s true,” Louis said, wide eyed as they stopped to cross the road, looking left, right and then left again before they crossed, Louis holding his mum’s hand tightly like she taught him when he was really little. “I just knowed it. Like I know you love me, and Nanny loves me. I knowed me and Harry’s gonna be friends forever. I’m gonna learn how to say all the words with my hands so we can talk together, and we’ll be best friends. I knowed I’m right.”

Louis’ mum ruffled his hair, handing him his beloved bucket and spade. He felt thankful she’d picked it up at the park as he’d forgotten all about it in the excitement of making a new friend.

“You, Louis Tomlinson, are the kindest, best boy in the world. Harry’s lucky to have a friend like you. I love you, darling.”

“Love you too, Mummy. Are we still having sausages for tea?”

“Yep,” Jay confirmed, and Louis grinned, cheering loudly for a second.

“YES! Best day ever!”

*****

**2007: Harry aged nine, Louis aged ten**

Louis sat at the desk in his classroom, arms folded, a fed up expression on his face as he watched the second hand of the clock tick around, inching ever closer to freedom. As soon as the big hand hit the two, Louis pushed back his chair and grinned over to his teacher, Mr Matthews, and walked over to the man, hoping he was in a better mood now.

“Um, can I go outside now, Mr Matthews? Please?”

“You can, Louis, but I don’t want to hear of any more silliness, okay? I don’t want to have to drag your poor mum back in here again, and I’m sure you don’t want that either.”

“Nope, I’ll be good. Thank you!” 

Louis practically skipped out of the classroom now, keen to get to the playground. It wasn’t exactly his fault he’d been caught throwing an iced gem across the table at his friend, especially given his so-called friend had thrown an onion ring at him first, leaving crumbs in his hair that Louis really didn’t care for. He shoved open the door to the playground and squinted around, looking for his best friend, feeling his heart swell when he saw him sitting alone on one of the benches, a book in his lap as always.

He sprinted over as quickly as he could, but of course Harry didn’t hear him approach, not noticing Louis was there until he was right in front of him, a smile immediately erupting on his face. Louis grinned and waved his typical greeting before quickly signing, entirely as fluent in sign language now as he was in spoken English.

_Hey! How was your morning? Sorry I’m late, got caught being naughty in the lunch hall…_

As always, that made Harry laugh, a beautiful sound that Louis treasured given it was the only way he got to hear Harry’s voice in any way. Harry was in speech therapy, meant to help encourage him to speak but the young boy was nothing if not stubborn. Nobody bar his therapist had ever heard Harry utter a word, and Louis had done his utmost to try and get Harry to talk to him, begging, pleading and even offering to lend him his beloved X Box for a whole week if Harry just spoke a few words. He didn’t, and Louis had long since given up pressuring his friend, figuring he’d do it if he was ready.

**_I’m not surprised, what did you do this time, Lou?_ **

Louis shrugged and sat back down onto the bench next to Harry, the pair quickly swivelling where they were sat until they were facing each other, able to easily see their hands.

_Just being silly with Ryan. Nothing major, Mr Matthews let me out on time so it’s all good. You okay this morning?_

**_Yeah, I did well on my story writing in English. Why are you frowning?_ **

As always, Harry didn’t miss anything and Louis tried to focus on Harry, ignoring the idiots who were giggling and mocking their signing just behind Harry’s left shoulder. It didn’t matter how many times the teachers talked to the children about Harry’s deafness, there were a few who just didn’t realise it wasn’t something to mock, and did so gleefully, much to Louis’ anger, and Harry’s dismay. Being a year apart meant Louis could only protect Harry at break time and lunchtime, and unfortunately, some of the mean kids were in Harry’s class, leaving him defenceless and alone.

_Nothing, Haz. It’s all good. Are you coming-_

“- look so stupid, don’t they? Do they know everyone stares when they do that weird thing with their hands?”

Louis had had enough. He pushed up off the bench and onto his feet, hands clenched in fists by his sides. He hated when anyone spoke badly of Harry, especially in earshot of him because he knew Harry couldn’t hear and wasn’t able to defend himself. Still, that was what Louis was for, and there was nothing he liked more than standing up for his best friend. He stormed over to where the three boys were stood, laughing and giggling at where Harry was still sat, looking confused at Louis.

“Are you going to say that to my face?” he asked, squaring up to the biggest of the boys, Calum. Louis knew he didn’t look as threatening as he could if he were a bit taller, but he wasn’t afraid of getting in a fight, especially for Harry’s honour. 

“Nah, no point. S’not like Styles will hear me anyway-”

That comment was like a red rag to a bull. Louis could feel something surge through his veins that just made him want to punch Calum in the face, and his silly little friends too, but he knew that was the last thing Harry would want him to do. Harry was the boy who captured spiders in glasses and released them into the garden rather than squashing them under his shoe like Louis did, he was the one who had run home with a baby bird that had been knocked out of the nest, begging Anne to help in floods of tears, and he was the person who gave the best cuddles in the world aside from Louis’ mum. 

“But I can hear you, you moron! Just leave us alone-”

Louis stopped talking when a hand encircled his arm, pulling him back. Louis glanced over his shoulder to see a nervous Harry, practically pleading with his eyes at Louis to come away. He signed quickly, Louis catching the words with a trained eye, giving Harry a nod in reply.

**_He’s not worth it. Come back with me. Please, Lou._ **

“You stay away from him, you hear me?”

The boys made more mocking noises and faces so Louis turned on his heel, letting Harry guide him back to the bench. 

“No wonder he’s got no other friends…”

They sat back down, Louis still seething about how his best friend had been treated. It wasn’t right and it definitely wasn’t fair. It also wasn’t true Louis didn’t have any other friends. He did, he just chose to hang out with Harry at playtime. He knew he was under no obligation to do so, his mum and Anne both telling him he was free to go and have a kickabout on the field if he wanted but Louis didn’t. He and Harry were just two parts of a whole. That’s how it had been since they were four and five years old, and nothing had changed for Louis. Harry was like the sun to Louis, and he was just a moon in orbit around him, drawn in by his beautiful smile and soft curly hair.

_You know they’re just stupid, right? All the rubbish they say about you isn’t true, Haz._

**_I know, Lou. I’m so happy you’re my best friend, you know. Wanna look at my book together?_ **

Louis wasn’t as much of a bookworm as Harry was, preferring comic books with their colourful pictures and small boxes of words but in that moment, he just wanted Harry to smile and feel okay so he nodded, scooting closer to his best friend and reading quietly, enjoying a lull in the busy-ness of a school day.

*****

Later that afternoon, they were walking home together, rucksacks hanging from their shoulders filled with their reading books, homework books and now empty lunchboxes. Harry had been quieter than normal, signing much less to Louis but Louis just kept pace beside him, hoping Harry would open up at some point. They both lived close enough to school to be able to walk home now Louis was in Year 5, and Harry had been allowed to join him after Louis had promised to see him to his front door each day, often going in to grab a drink and snack before he walked around the corner to his own house.

After they crossed the road, Harry’s arm linked through Louis’ as Anne had taught them at a young age, making Harry aware of his surroundings and Louis able to react quickly if needed, Louis was determined to get Harry to open up. He dropped his arm and elbowed him gently, making the younger boy look up, his eyes clouded over with something Louis couldn’t identify.

_Haz, what’s up? You’ve been quiet since we left school…_

Harry chewed on his bottom lip for a moment until Louis unhooked it, not wanting Harry to chew it raw like he often did. To his surprise, Harry slipped his hand into Louis’ and led him off to a little park area in the corner of the road they were walking down, sitting heavily down on the bench and staring down at his scuffed school shoes. He nudged a tree root poking up out of the ground for a moment, and Louis just waited patiently, knowing Harry would start signing when he was ready.

Louis finally looked over to Harry and was shocked to see a tear sliding down his cheek, wobbling on the bottom of his chin for a moment before it dripped down, sinking into the dark blue of his school jumper, making a stain appear.

_Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?_

Harry sniffed, trying to get himself together before his shaky hands started to sign slowly, thinking about his words before he put them out there for Louis to see.

 **_Louis… you know you don’t_ ** **have** **_to be my friend, don’t you?_ **

Louis frowned, trying to make sense of what Harry was saying.

_Of course I know that, Haz. But you’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend since you were four. Don’t think some silly kids at school can ever change that._

It didn’t seem that Louis’ words pacified Harry in the slightest because he started to sign quicker now, his eyes locked on Louis as he followed the signs Harry’s hands made.

**_I know what they say about me, Lou. They say I’ve got no friends because I’m deaf. I know it makes it hard for people to know me, but I wish they’d try. I don’t want you to feel like you need to be my friend, like, you can play with Archie and Tom if you want to, I won’t be upset-_ **

Louis placed his hands on top of Harry’s for a moment, stilling him so he could quickly reply before Harry worked himself up into more of a state than he was already in.

_Hey! Slow down a bit, you’re going too fast for me._

Harry frowned again at that and dropped his gaze back to his lap, fiddling with his fingers before he signed again.

**_I’m sorry. See? I can’t do anything right._ **

Louis immediately wanted to remove the pout on his best friend’s face and nudged his knee with his own, making Harry look up at him, following the slow but steady movements of Louis’ clumsy signs. Louis concentrated hard to make the right signs, sure he was making the odd mistake but he felt sure Harry would get the idea of what he was trying to say.

_You know what, Haz? I’d rather have you as my best friend than have ten of them be fake friends to me. They’re not nice people, and I don’t want people like that to be my friend, to come round my house and play with my stuff. They’re horrible, they’re not nice people. It’s not your fault you’re deaf, and they’re mean to be unkind about it. I’m sorry that they can’t be nice to you._

**_It’s not your fault._ **

_I know it’s not but I hate that they’re mean to you. I wish everyone was nice to you and we could all hang out but I also like it when we’re on our own. You’re the only friend I really need Hazzy._

That drew a small smile out of Harry, traces of it ghosting on his lips before it disappeared, his cheeks flushing slightly pink as he signed his next words.

**_You’re the best friend I could ever ask for, Louis._ **

Louis surged forward and pulled Harry into a tight hug, the strap of Harry’s rucksack digging into his chin as he did so but he didn’t care. He’d made his best friend smile again, and that was all that mattered to him. Harry broke the hug first, pulling back and standing up, grinning now at Louis.

**_Wanna come to my house and do our homework in my room? Mum went shopping today so she’s probably got some chocolate milk for us…_ **

_Well, if there’s chocolate milk, then yes please…_

Harry shoulder-barged Louis then, the older boy stumbling for a moment before he laughed loudly, the two signing as they made the five minute walk up to Harry’s house. Anne’s car was parked on the driveway, and Harry pushed onto his tiptoes to ring the doorbell, neither of them old enough to be trusted with a door key just yet.

“Hello, you two!” she said, speaking and signing at the same time. Louis was slowly learning to do this, but it was a lot to be able to say the words as well as sign them, preferring to just use his signs when he and Harry were alone. “Had a good day at school?"

Harry just nodded and kicked off his battered school shoes, scuttling off to his kitchen while Louis took his time, setting his rucksack down by the front door for when he headed home in a while. He knew Anne had seen Harry’s red eyes and that he was about to be questioned about it, and wondered whether or not to be honest with her.

“What happened today, Louis? He’s upset again, isn’t he?”

“Just some stupid kids in Year 5,” Louis said, feeling a bit guilty for talking about Harry behind his back like this, even though he knew he had to tell Anne the truth. “They were being horrible at lunchtime. I tried to sort it out, but Harry wouldn’t let me…”

Anne sighed, pulling her hair back into a ponytail, not taking her eyes off Louis.

“You know he doesn’t like it when you get into trouble for him, Lou.”

“I know. But I hate hearing people say stuff he can’t hear. It’s not fair, and there’s no way I can not say anything to them. He’s my best friend, Anne.”

“I know, darling,” she said softly, pulling Louis into a hug. “He’s so lucky to have found you. I feel better knowing he’s at school with you, that you’re looking out for him.”

At that point, Harry appeared in the doorway, two plastic beakers of chocolate milk in his hands, a packet of Oreo’s wedged under his arm. He just grinned at the pair of them, unable to sign as his hands were full and headed upstairs, certain enough Louis was going to follow him that he didn’t bother to check.

“Uh, we’re going to do some homework. Can you let my Mum know I’m here?”

“Course, Lou. I’ll call her now. And thank you. For being such a good friend to my Harry.”

Louis gave her a shy smile and ran up the stairs, bursting into Harry’s bedroom, seeing his best friend sat on his bed, feet now bare, uniform on the floor as he sat in his pants and vest. Louis just rolled his eyes and climbed next to him, stealing an Oreo from the packet and eating quietly, ignoring the crumbs dropping onto Harry’s duvet.

“Oh, Harry-” Anne said, walking in, just shaking her head as she looked at the two of them. She signed again as she spoke. “We’ve got your speech therapy at five o’clock, darling, so make sure you two are done by then.”

“ _We will be_ ,” Louis signed and spoke slowly, getting a proud smile out of Anne, who knew how hard he’d been working with Jay and Gemma on doing the two things simultaneously. “ _Don’t worry!”_

Harry had stopped eating and Anne left the room, pulling the bedroom door to behind her, leaving the boys alone. Louis tapped Harry’s foot with his own, getting the boy to look at him.

_You know you have to go, right? I know you hate it, Haz, but it might help!_

**_Don’t care. Don’t want anyone to hear my stupid voice if I can’t hear how silly I sound._ **

_Not even me?_ Louis pressed, but Harry shook his head, grabbing another biscuit.

**_Nope. Sorry, Louis. Now will you help with my maths? We were doing rounding today and I don’t get it._ **

Louis knew Harry was trying to change the subject but he let it go, knowing Harry would just clam up even more if he pushed it too far. He nodded and watched Harry clamber off the bed, running out of the room and coming back with his school bag, dumping it on the floor before he rifled through, emerging with a blue homework book.

**_Mrs Simmons tried to help me but I don’t get it. I bet you can help me understand._ **

The confident smile on Harry’s little face made Louis’ tummy do a funny whirly thing he didn’t quite understand. He ignored it, focusing on Harry sitting back next to him, their knees touching as they crossed their legs. He read over Harry’s beautifully neat work, the antithesis of his own, and picked up the pencil, ready to work.

**2013: Harry aged fourteen, Louis aged fifteen**

“You want anything else, boys?” Jay called, signing at the same time. Harry shook his head, his arms already full of sharing bags of crisps, cans of Pepsi Max clutched in his hands. Louis rested his things on the table, freeing up his hands for a moment so he could sign and talk at the same time.

“Did you want a Pot Noodle as well Haz, or is the junk enough?” He paused, watching Harry think before he shook his head, just nodding his head down at the crisps in his hands. “Crisps enough?”

That brought a small smile out of Harry so Louis gathered his choice of food into his arms again, dropping a kiss onto the top of his mum’s head as they left the room, Harry quickly doing the same. They thundered up the stairs together, entirely unthinking about Louis’ little sisters sleeping down the hallway and crashed through Louis’ bedroom door, dumping their treasures on the end of the bed. 

Harry stepped over to the rack of DVDs on Louis’ bookshelf, running his finger along the spines of them, contemplating what they should watch. Meeting up at one of their houses on a Saturday night was their thing now, and they’d only missed a few in the years they’d been doing it, mainly for illness or one weekend Louis had been dragged to his grandparents’ house under strict protest and teenage tantruming. 

**_What do you want to watch, Lou? Something soppy, or an action flick…_ **

Louis just shrugged at Harry’s signed question, opening a bag of crisps and resting it on the bed. He stole a few and shoved them quickly into his mouth as Harry pulled two different films off the shelf. Louis couldn’t help but let his eyes run up and down Harry’s body as he stood reading the information on the back of the case. Louis was at an age now where he was very aware of who he was attracted to, and Harry was at the top of the list. Louis kept that nugget of information locked deep away inside of him, treasuring his friendship with Harry too much to risk it for a silly crush on his best friend.

Harry, though, seemed entirely oblivious of Louis’ feelings. He took to wandering around in just his boxers, not realising the effect he had on Louis, especially when he was extra cuddly. Louis, to his credit, acted as normally as possible but it was getting harder to be around Harry and keep his heart rate steady. Right now, Harry was in one of Louis’ t-shirts, the fabric slightly tight on his broader shoulders, and his baggy trousers did nothing to hide the curve of his small bum. Louis just swallowed and rammed more crisps in until Harry turned around, giving him a grin. He threw a case to Louis, who caught it and looked up at Harry.

_Rom com again? Really, Harold?_

**_I offered to let you choose and you didn’t. Tough luck, so now it’s my choice. Like it or lump it, Tomlinson._ **

Louis cracked open the case and pulled out the disk, handing it to Harry. He pushed it into the machine and then stood in the middle of Louis’ room, shoving his trousers down and stepping out of them, folding them up before he joined Louis on the bed, reaching across Louis’ thighs to grab the crisps.

 **_Stop hogging the best ones, Lou,_ **Harry signed furiously, and Louis just stuck out his tongue in reply as he used the remote control to navigate the menus, starting the movie playing. Louis got up to quickly flick off the bedroom light, keeping the volume of the telly low enough Jay wouldn’t come upstairs and bang on his door to tell them to turn it down.

The subtitles were switched on as always so Harry could follow what was going on. Louis was so used to them by now that he had a habit of switching them on wherever he went, much to everyone’s confusion when he went somewhere without Harry. They were a staple in both the Tomlinson and Styles’ households, though, and Louis had pretty much grown up used to the words at the bottom of the screen.

The opening scene of the movie played, something Louis had seen countless times before so he didn’t bother to pay much attention. Harry was watching avidly as always, unable to let his attention wander like anyone else because he couldn’t listen in the background. Louis, though, let his eyes drift down to look at Harry’s bare legs, stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. His legs were already longer than Louis’, feet stretching past Louis’ on the bed, but it had never bothered Louis.

He couldn’t drag his eyes away from the way the hairs on Harry’s legs, darker and thicker than his own, glistened in the light of the television, the way his thick thigh muscles moved as Harry switched positions, knocking his giant feet against Louis’ much smaller ones for a moment. Louis just grinned at his friend and pretended to look back at the movie again, failing miserably. Harry’s fingers were now drumming a rhythm on his thigh, and Louis longed to reach out, to lace their fingers together and just feel the weight of Harry’s hand in his own.

They’d held hands countless times before, running away from something at a family birthday party, out of the garden and down to the park, lots when they were younger and didn’t realise the significance of what they were doing. Now they were older, touches like that were more forbidden, no matter how much Louis longed to do it. It didn’t help that he didn’t exactly know what type of person Harry was into. He’d never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and any time Louis brought up dating, Harry quickly shut him down. Part of Louis wondered if it was Harry’s deafness that was the barrier but even so, it was the only missing piece of Louis’ Harry puzzle that he’d yet to complete.

Harry elbowing Louis startled him out of his reverie, and he focused hard of Harry’s moving hands, only just catching the movement of his hands in the dark light of the room.

**_Pass me the Pringles please?_**

_Course,_ Louis signed back, stretching over to the end of the bed and grabbing the blue can, popping it open and stealing a few for himself before he let Harry dive in, knowing these particular crisps were one of Harry’s weaknesses. They kept watching the movie, Louis not bothering to put the volume higher when Harry’s crunching started to mask the dialogue, relying on the subtitles instead.

It was when the film was around halfway through that Louis found himself with a problem. Harry had long ago given up on sitting down next to Louis and the pair were now laid down on the bed, Harry curled around Louis’ side, a hand on his tummy, legs tangled up together. It was a typical position for the pair but Louis was more affected than normal. He kept shuffling around behind Harry until the younger boy turned around, frowning. Louis decided he had to do something about the issue in his trousers before he did some horrendous like let it brush up against Harry’s leg.

_Just going to the loo, back in a sec._

Harry just nodded, staying on top of the blanket when Louis wriggled himself free, shuffling out of the bed, careful to angle his body so Harry couldn’t see he was hard. Louis crept out and down the corridor, locking the bathroom door behind him. He leaned back against the wall, pushing the heel of his hand down against his crotch, hissing with the relief of pressure on his dick. He rocked his hand back and forth for a few moments, hoping that would be enough, but it just wasn’t. Louis let his hands come down, flicking open the button of his jeans, parting the two sides enough before he slid down the zipper, feeling guilty at the images going through his mind. 

Louis was almost panting as he grabbed for the hem of his boxers, tugging them down enough that his cock sprung free, already leaking. He wrapped his fingers around himself, his belly fluttering with the simple touch as he started to move his hands gently up and down, ignoring the sensitive head for a moment. Louis let his eyes slowly close as he let images fill his mind, images he didn’t let infiltrate his thoughts unless he was touching himself, and he pushed away the guilt, trying to enjoy what he was imagining.

His favourite thing was to imagine himself trapped under Harry’s firm body, how Harry would feel moving inside of him, filling him up, making him feel good like no other boy had ever made Louis feel before. He imagined taking Harry’s length into his mouth, giving him the ultimate pleasure, how he would feel and taste against his tongue. Finally, and the thought that often pushed Louis over the edge, was Louis straddling Harry, working himself up and down Harry’s cock as Harry just watched him, eyes dark and hungry, fingertips digging into his sides, leaving bruises Louis knew he would love later on. Louis thanked his late nights watching porn with his headphones on for that particular fantasy.

Louis let his hand speed up, thumbing across the head, biting down on his lip, trying not to cry out in pleasure. Everything felt so good, like all of his nerve-endings were on fire, and Louis felt breathless, grateful for a moment that Harry couldn’t hear what he was up to just down the hall. Louis could already feel he was close, the familiar sensation bubbling low in his tummy as he sped up, twisting his wrist as he reached the tip, using his other handle to roll his balls, needing to come now more than anything.

“Fuck- Harry-” he mumbled, his chest feeling tight as he soared closer to his orgasm, eyes scrunched shut, mind filled with x-rated images of his best friend, images that he was sure would never see the light of day. “Harry, please- shittttttt-”

He came hard, letting himself splatter the floor with his release, panting and chest heaving as he came down from his high. As the feelings of euphoria melted away, quickly placed by guilt again, Louis felt sick. He tucked his sensitive cock back into his underwear, sorting out his jeans, making sure he hadn’t come on them which thankfully he hadn’t. He quickly crouched down, using loo roll to clear up his mess, his cheeks flaming with shame now.

Before he left the room, he splashed his cheeks with cold water, sadly doing nothing to help the flush on his cheeks disappear. He cleared his throat and stepped out of the room, creeping back to his bedroom, smiling quickly at Harry before he settled down behind him again, resuming the position they'd been in before. He was hopeful Harry wouldn’t notice anything was different but of course he did, turning his body so Louis could see his signs.

**_Are you alright?_ **

_Yeah, I’m fine, why?_

**_You look a bit hot and bothered. Sure you’re not coming down with something?_ **

_Nah. I’ll be fine. Come on, watch or we’ll lose track of what’s happening._

**_Well, it’s not like we haven’t seen it twenty times before..._ **

Louis laughed at that, tugging Harry’s curls to make him look at the telly, Harry’s trusting smile doing nothing to ease his guilt over using Harry in his thoughts to get himself off. He needed a bit of comfort so he nudged Harry’s shoulder again, getting his attention.

_Give us a hug, then, Styles…_

Harry grinned and obliged, rolling onto his back so Louis could curl up against him, propping a leg over his thigh as he gave the movie his attention again. Harry’s arm was around him, hand resting gently on the back of Louis’ neck, stroking gently. It was these easy but intimate touches that Louis loved. Harry was the only person he’d ever let touch him like this, and he felt better just in his arms. Louis felt safe here, and he knew Harry felt the same about him. 

Just under an hour later, the film finished and Louis sat up first, stretching his back out and groaning slightly. Harry stayed where he was splayed on the bed as Louis reached out, flicking on his bedside lamp, lighting the room up. Harry smiled sleepily up at him, and Louis already knew that meant Harry would be staying the night. Sharing a bed wasn’t uncommon for them either, and he got up, throwing Harry some of his spare clothes he kept at Louis’ for this purpose.

A tap to his thigh got his attention and Louis whirled around, watching Harry’s hands move fluidly in front of his chest, nerves clear on his face at the question he was asking Louis to answer.

**_Lou, are you coming to my exhibition tomorrow? I know you’re working in the morning, but it doesn’t start until three, and I’d really like you there-_ **

Louis hated how nervous Harry was at this, and signed quickly, reassuring him as best he could.

_You know I’ll be there, love. I know your mum won’t be there for a while, so I already said I’d come. I better be at the top of the list…_

**_Always,_ ** Harry signed with a grin, pulling Louis into a tight cuddle for a moment. **_Need someone to interpret for me, Donna can’t make it tomorrow._ **

_Sure, no problem,_ Louis agreed, having interpreted for Harry on more than one occasion for shows their school’s art department put on. Harry loved nothing more than to talk about his art, and it had taken Louis a good while to get quick enough at translating Harry’s fast and excitable signs, even practicing with Anne until he had it down. Now, it was second nature, and he loved helping Harry however he could.

**_Thank you. You’re the best, do you know that?_ **

_I do,_ Louis teased, making the pair of them laugh, Harry’s deep chuckle easily filling the room, making Louis’ ears prick up with interest. Harry must have sensed he’d made a noise because the smile quickly disappeared from his face, and he turned away, sliding the joggers up his legs, pinging the elastic around his slender waist. Louis walked over to his best friend and laid a gentle hand on his bicep for a moment until Harry looked at him, knowing Louis had something to say. _Please don’t do that. You know how much I love to hear your laugh._

**_But I don’t know how I sound, Lou. That’s hard, to know you know something about me I don’t know myself._ **

_I know. But trust me when I tell you it’s beautiful._

There was a pause for a moment, and Harry signed his next words slowly, almost hesitantly.

**_What does it sound like?_ **

This was the sort of question Louis had always dreaded, but he wanted so much to be able to give Harry an answer. He let out a long, slow breath, contemplating his words before he put them out there, never to be taken back.

_It’s so you, Harry. It’s deep and melodic, like… I feel it through my whole body, Haz. It makes me so happy when I hear it, like I get this little part of you that nobody else in the world gets to have. Just me. And I feel privileged you share it with me, even if you don’t know it sometimes._

Harry was still after that, clearly processing what Louis had said and he turned to the bed, smoothing out the duvet and removing the now empty crisp packets before he turned back to Louis.

**_Thank you. That… that means a lot to me. Will you- will you hug me, Lou?_ **

Louis didn’t bother to sign anything back to that. Instead, he just walked to over to Harry and enveloped him in his arms, feeling Harry immediately relax into his hold. His warm breath tickled Louis’ neck as they embraced and Harry gently swayed them side to side, both entirely comfortable being so close. Louis stayed where he was, letting Harry break the hug first, smiling shyly at Louis.

**_Come on, we need to get to sleep. I’ve got a big day tomorrow._ **

_No snoring then, Harold. I mean it…_

Harry practically snorted at that and shoved Louis out of the way, climbing into bed in the prime position next to the wall, smirking up at Louis.

**_See, there are advantages to being deaf. Sleeping peacefully is definitely the highlight._ **

Louis just rolled his eyes, secretly loving when Harry made jokes about his deafness like this. It made it feel like less of a burden and simply a part of Harry that just was, like Louis’ height, or their friend Jamie’s lisp. It was what made Harry who he was, and Louis loved it as much as he loved the boy himself. He quickly signed goodnight to the boy in his bed before he flicked off the light, scooting underneath the covers next to him, soon being pulled against Harry’s body as he usually was.

“Bloody oaf,” Louis muttered under his breath, feeling Harry tickle his underarms with the realisation he’d spoken something Harry couldn’t understand. When they were cuddled up like this, Harry could always feel in Louis’ chest when he was speaking, telling Louis once he could feel the vibrations of noise with his hands, which is why he claimed he was so tactile with him and Louis’ sisters, liking the feeling of their voices against his palms. “You’re an oaf, but you’re my oaf. And I love you,” Louis confided, safe in the knowledge Harry didn’t know what he was saying. Louis was nowhere near ready for Harry to know that just yet.

He was just dozing off when Louis felt Harry press a kiss to the back of his head, sliding his hand up and under the hem of Louis’ tee. Fingertips stroked Louis’ skin gently and he almost arched back into the touch, part of him craving more while the other part simply took what he could get, happy to just have Harry in this way. He slipped his hand into Harry’s free one and made a small motion, something the pair of them knew to mean goodnight, honed after years of bedsharing and experimenting with learning to sign in the dark so they could communicate in some small way.

“G’night Haz,” Louis whispered, finally letting his eyes shut, but his mind still a whirlpool of thoughts, hope and dreams.

*****

“Louis, will you calm down? We’ll make it there, Harry’s not going anywhere, love.”

“I know that Mum, but he’s got no one with him. You know he doesn’t like it when he’s stuck on his own.”

Jay nodded next to Louis, sat behind the wheel as she drove her anxious son over to the exhibition centre where Harry was presenting some of his coursework. It was a big deal for the art students, and Louis knew exactly how much it meant to Harry that his work was on display, and that Louis be there too. His shift at the supermarket had run over by half an hour, and now Louis was late. If there was one thing Louis hated, it was being late for his best friend.

“Come on, come on, come on,” Louis muttered, shrieking in frustration as Jay had to stop at another red light. “Mum, I’ll get out here, jog the rest of the way.”

“But Louis-”

“No, it’s cool. Pick us up at 5?”

“Alright darling,” Jay called as Louis grabbed his phone, grazing his lips against her cheeks as he ducked out of the car, ignoring the beeps from the car behind, the light now green. He set off at a light jog, thankful the day wasn’t too hot as he headed in the right direction, weaving in and out of people meandering down the street, in no hurry whatsoever. He excused himself several times as he nearly knocked into people but just a few minutes later, he’d finally arrived. 

He stopped for a moment just outside the building, catching his breath and straightening out the shirt he’d put on for the occasion, hoping he didn’t look too sweaty. Once he was calmer and his heart rate was almost back to normal, Louis pushed open the doors, signed in to the building and wandered inside. It was fairly noisy, filled with the chatter of excited students, their parents, teachers and other members of the public who’d been invited along for the occasion.

Louis swallowed, hooking two fingers inside the collar of his shirt to loosen it off a little as his eyes darted around the room, seeking out his best friend. There was no sign of him, so Louis wandered around a little, heading for the back of the room when finally, a curly haired shadow caught his eye.

“Ah, young Mr Tomlinson, didn’t expect to see you at this particular event,” crowed Mr Hawthorne, one of the school’s art teachers. He didn’t particularly like Louis and made his disdain for the boy all too clear. Still, Louis gave him a tight smile and answered politely, knowing he was here for one thing and one thing only, and he didn’t want to show Harry up by sassing his teacher too much.

“Hello, sir. I do have an appreciation for the arts. But I’m here for Harry. His Mum can’t make it for a bit so I said I’d help him out.”

“I see. Well, I’ll let you head over there. Mr Styles’ exhibit has been very popular… I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear that.”

“Definitely not,” Louis grinned back, unsurprised to find out Harry’s artwork was as popular as he always knew it would be. “Enjoy the rest of the day, Sir.”

“You too, Louis,” the teacher said, the pair sharing a moment of respect for each other. Louis excused himself and walked over to where he saw Harry smiling at a couple who were trying to talk to him. He looked a little distressed so Louis sped up, jumping in, knowing Harry wouldn’t mind being rescued.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” he began, the couple looking at him with a confused expression. “Uh, I’m Louis, I’m Harry’s best friend. I, um, I can see you’re trying to talk to Harry but he’s deaf, so if you’d be so kind as to let me interpret for you, I know he’d love to discuss his work if you’d like to?”

“Oh goodness, I had no idea, I feel so silly,” the woman said, sending Harry an apologetic smile.

_Sorry to jump in, love, but they clearly haven’t got a clue you’re deaf. Want me to translate?_

**_Please. I’m so relieved you’re here, Lou, I hate doing these things by myself._ **

Louis just gave Harry a wink as he resumed chatting with Harry and the couple, adding his own praises in about Harry’s art as they discussed his methods and the thinking behind his work. Nothing made Louis prouder than to hear people gush about Harry’s work, and he made sure to sign slowly and clearly so Harry knew exactly what was being said about him. The pink blush on his cheeks told Louis he was catching every single word.

“Well, thank you so much, young man, that was very helpful,” the gentleman said, leaning over to shake Louis’ hand, then Harry’s. “You are very talented, Harry. And you have a wonderful friend.”

Louis blushed signing the last part of that but Harry just nodded in agreement, stepping closer to Louis and sliding his arm around his shoulders. He signed ‘thank you’ and the couple finally disappeared. The smile, however, didn’t leave Harry’s face, and Louis wished he could always be this happy.

_Why is it when I tell you you’re talented you just tell me to shut up but when other people say it, you believe them?_

Harry just shrugged at that, stepping aside slightly as he saw another couple walk up. They were discussing one of Louis’ favourite pieces by Harry, a colourful image he knew Harry loved to leave up to interpretation, and he longed to go and join their discussion, to gush about it and share his theories. His palm found the small of Harry’s back, pressing there gently as they waited patiently for the couple to notice them. 

They did eventually, and Harry and Louis made conversation with them again as they had done before, Anne standing on by now, smiling with pride as she watched the two boys signing to each other expertly. When the other couple drifted away to admire some other artwork, she hurried over, hugging Louis then Harry, signing between them. Louis followed the words with his eyes, choosing to ignore it, letting Harry and his mum have their moment together.

“Lou, if you want to get a drink or something, I’ll stay for a bit,” she said, signing at the same time. Louis nodded and signed to Harry.

_You want anything, Haz?_

**_Just a tea please, Lou. Don’t be long, yeah?_ **

_I won’t._

He checked that Anne wanted tea before he slipped off, finding the catering table over on the other side of the floor. There was a bit of a queue but he updated his mum via text, telling her it was all going well until he was served, ordering three teas and working his way over. When he got back to Harry, he and Anne were chatting with an older woman, Anne signing for Harry at a speed Louis could only hope to attain at some point.

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

The voice startled Louis and he whirled around, seeing another older woman stood next to him, admiring the painting she was stood next to. Louis nodded, seeing it was another of his favourites. This time, it was a galaxy that Harry had seen on television and had researched, putting his own spin on it, making it as unique as he was.

“It is. Harry’s really talented.”

“He most certainly is. Is he your boyfriend?”

Louis wasn’t surprised at the question, but he wished he could answer differently to how he had to in that moment.

“No, sadly not. I’m his best friend, though, and that’s enough.”

The woman didn’t say anything in reply. Instead, she just laid a gnarled hand on Louis’ shoulder, squeezing ever so softly that if Louis wasn’t concentrating he wouldn’t know. They stood together for a moment, admiring the art until Harry bounced over to him, his smile as big as Louis had ever seen it.

**_Oh my god, Louis! That woman, the one Mum and I were just talking to, she wants to pay for me to do a painting for her!!_ **

_Harry, wow! That’s so amazing, babe! I’m so happy for you!_

Louis didn’t even think as he forced himself against Harry, wrapping his best friend in a tight hug, his chest puffing out with pride for him. Harry pulled away and grabbed his hand, running to the exit, Louis being dragged along in his wake but trusting Harry entirely. They didn’t stop until they were behind a collection of trees at the bottom of the car park, finally alone and panting, trying to catch their breath.

**_I can’t believe it, you know? That someone wants to pay me actual money to paint for them. It’s unreal, Louis. Seriously, how is this happening to me?_ **

_Because you’re amazingly talented at what you do, Harry,_ Louis replied, signing slowly and carefully so Harry couldn’t misinterpret a single sign. _You have an unbelievable talent, and I’m so glad you’re getting to share that with the world. They deserve to see your beautiful work as much as I do._

Harry didn’t sign to reply. Instead, he just grabbed Louis in the tightest of hugs, grabbing handfuls of Louis’ shirt behind his back. They stayed pressed together like that for what felt like an eternity, but was really only a few minutes. They pulled back at the same time, and something changed in that moment. Louis held his breath, he felt so nervous and he just waited, too scared to act in case he did the wrong thing.

Harry held his gaze for a moment, and Louis felt like this might be it, it might be the moment he’d been waiting forever for. He was just about to lean in when Harry let out his beautiful laugh, moving forward and pressing his forehead against Louis’ for a moment, a hand on his cheek before he pulled away, that dazzling smile on his face again. His dimple was popping and Louis laughed too, pushing Harry’s hand down to his chest so he could feel the vibration, connecting them in a small way.

It was Harry who turned around first, smiling back at Louis over his shoulder as he started to walk back inside, eager to get back to the people admiring his work.

“You have no idea how gone for you I am, do you?” Louis said softly, his words drifting away on the wind, not that they were ever intended to be heard, least of all by the person he was directing them to. With a sigh, he painted a smile back on his face and followed his best friend back inside, ignoring the ache in his heart.

  
  


**2017: Harry aged nineteen, Louis aged twenty**

“Let us in Niall, you great big dildo!” Louis hollered at the top of his lungs, hammering on the door while Harry just stood back, leaning against the opposite wall, a smirk on his face. Louis kept banging as he could hear movement inside, and eventually, the door opened, a furious looking Niall on the other side of it now glaring at Louis.

“You bloody twat, I was Facetiming me Ma, and she heard you call me a dildo!”

Louis exploded with laughter at that as Niall turned on his heel, storming into his room and leaving the door wide open for Louis and Harry to go inside. Louis quickly signed what had happened over to Harry and he laughed, the sound muffled by the sweater paw on his hand that he’d brought up to cover his mouth. Louis shrugged his rucksack off, leaving it by the door as Harry did the same, both boys collapsing on the spare bed, kicking off their shoes.

“I’d say sorry Ni, but I’m not,” Louis chuckled, speaking and signing at the same time. He could see Niall watching his hands, trying to follow the conversation so he slowed down a little. He appreciated how their friends were all trying to learn to sign, he knew how much it meant to Harry as well, especially given how much the small group of five now hung out together.

They’d gone to university together nearly three months ago now. Louis, being a year older than Harry, had chosen to defer until Harry was old enough to go too, working all week to earn as much money as he could while Harry finished his final year of Sixth Form, finally winning a place on his Art course at the same University where Louis was going to be studying. Their mums had tearfully dropped them off together, both feeling better knowing the boys had each other but it had still been an emotional time.

Harry and Louis had settled into University life well. Harry had been given an interpreter as part of his support package, a nice young woman named Mallory who worked solely for the Uni as a translator. Louis had been a little jealous at first, used to being the only one outside of Harry’s family that could converse with him, but Harry had helped push that aside, helping Louis get to know her. It had helped somewhat when Louis had found out Mallory was engaged to an older man called Bailey, his jealousy soon back under control.

Niall, Zayn and Liam had come into their lives through the various courses the pair had taken. Zayn was in one of Harry’s art theory classes, the only one who’d volunteered to pair up with Harry on their first assignment, and a firm friendship had been born. Zayn and Louis found they had enough in common, and Louis brought in Niall and Liam from his own classes, the five gelling like they’d known each other a lot longer than just a few weeks.

All of the boys had expressed a keen interest in learning sign language as they got closer, and Louis and Harry had spent hours of free time teaching them the basic signs each evening, until each of them could hold a small conversation with Harry. They were all in awe of Louis, but Louis assured them it had taken years to get to his level, that he’d been learning since he was four years old, and Harry even earlier than that. Anne had tried to encourage Harry to wear his hearing aids but as always, Harry was stubborn and refused, claiming they didn’t help so why bother being uncomfortable. Louis kind of got it, but a small part of him wished that one day, Harry just might hear his voice.

“How was your day?” Niall asked, signing slowly as he did so, watching Harry for a reply. Louis didn’t speak, letting Harry answer first. 

**_Yeah, not bad. Mallory couldn’t make it to class though, so I had to email the teacher to send me over a transcript of what went on._ **

“Why didn’t you ask me?” Louis frowned over to him, signing and speaking so Niall could follow. “You know I wouldn’t mind, I only had a free this morning anyway.”

**_Because I managed, Lou. Seriously, it was fine. I got the gist from the slides she was showing anyway. It’s all good, I promise._ **

“If you say so,” Louis muttered, folding his arms across his chest in a huff, a little hurt Harry wasn’t as reliant on him as he used to be. He knew it was inevitable that as they got older, Harry would get more independent and capable of managing his life on his own, but that didn’t stop Louis from feeling a little like a spare part. “How about you, Nialler?”

“Yes, all good,” he replied, rummaging in his desk drawer and emerging with a packet of chocolate digestives. “Actually, I was asked- oh fuck it, Lou, can you sign, I don’t know enough for this.”

Louis nodded and Niall kept talking, his hands gesticulating instead of signing now.

“Anyway, that girl asked me out, Nicki. The one I’ve been mooning over for the past few weeks. She was really nice, quite shy but I said yeah and now I’m shitting myself. What if she hates me when we’re alone? What if we’ve got nothing in common? What if-”

Harry cut him off, leaning forward to grab Niall’s hands, the Irishman pressing his lips together, realising he was blurting out nonsense again.

**_Ni, it’ll be fine. She obviously likes you if she asked you out. Just go out and enjoy it._ **

“Fine,” Niall moaned, throwing himself dramatically on his bed as there was another knock at the door. Louis hopped to his feet first, feeling Harry’s eyes on him as he threw the door open, his two mates on the other side grinning at him. “Welcome to the boudoir, lads-”

“Don’t ever say that again, Niall,” Zayn said, his eyes slitted as he looked at Niall, still laid out on the bed. “Ah, it’s the Tomlinson-Styles, how are my boys?”

“Don’t call us that,” Louis retorted, looking for a space to sit as Liam sank into the one he’d occupied previously, Zayn joining Niall on his bed. He went easily as Harry tugged at his wrist, pulling him down into his lap, a position so familiar to the pair that neither boy batted an eyelid as Louis got comfy, wiggling his bum until he found just the right position.

“Comfy, are we?” Liam teased, and Louis just shrugged, ignoring him and not bothering to reply. The five men made easy conversation for a while, each discussing their courses and classes, Zayn confiding he was heading home at the weekend, worried about his younger sister. Bar Niall, the boys all had sisters themselves and understood his worries, wishing Zayn well, making him promise to update them all.

The chatter turned cheery again as they spoke about the upcoming hall party, with all of them having bought tickets for it weeks ago. It was money they could ill-afford, but they knew all about the legendary Apollo Hall house parties and were eager to be part of their first one as official Uni students. Harry had been more reluctant but the boys had promised to stick by his side, and Louis had quietly signed to Harry that night as they tucked themselves into their respective beds in their dorm room that Harry wouldn’t be left alone for a single second. 

After a while, Harry and Zayn left to go, Harry to the loo and Zayn to smoke, leaving Louis alone with Liam and Niall, finally sat on his bum and not Harry’s thigh. All three of them were on their phones now, Louis checking his email while the other two entertained themselves. It was Niall who broke the silence first, still looking down at his phone while he spoke.

“So when are you two gonna pull your heads out of your arses then?”

Louis barely glanced up, sighing at the repetitive question. For some reason, Liam, Niall and Zayn had got it into their heads that Harry and Louis were perfect for each other, that they’d end up together with a house and 2.4 children, living happily ever after. As much as Louis wished that could be true, he knew it never would be and resented the topic being brought up over and over.

“Give it a rest, Niall,” he uttered out, yawning as he mumbled out the words. “Haven’t we established by now that me and Hazza are best mates, and that’s it?”

“You have, we haven’t,” Liam chimed in, smiling to himself as he focused on the level of Candy Crush Louis could see him playing out of the corner of his eye. “Just remind me again why you’re not together?”

“Because we’re not in love with each other, Lima bean, that’s why.”

Louis willed his voice to stay steady and not betray him, lest the other boys find out how he truly felt about Harry.

“Please, just… leave it, yeah? I love Harry, but not in that way. Just... he loves me as a friend, and that's how I love him.”

Both men just nodded at Louis' words as Harry walked into the room, signing to Louis and asking what they’d been talking about. Louis fobbed him off with an answer about Niall’s impending date and their plans for it, Liam scoffing quietly. Louis felt grateful Harry wouldn’t have caught that, and made room for his best friend to sink down beside him. Just a few minutes later, Zayn let himself back in, stealing Niall’s cologne to cover the cigarette smell and he flicked on the telly, leaving Pointless on.

It wasn’t exactly a rock and roll lifestyle the five of them led, but they were all happy with it. After a while, they moseyed down to the dinner hall together, filling their plates with whatever was on offer for the night and grabbed one of the last free tables, chattering away, Louis signing as much as he could between mouthfuls. As they finished up and cleared away their trays, Louis found himself wondering how he got so lucky as to be surrounded by such good people. Zayn and Harry were having a slow conversation in sign language beside him, and he felt proud of how much the other boys had picked up in a relatively short period of time.

“You and Hazza heading back to your room?” Liam asked as they ambled slowly down the corridor, to the main area of the building where the rooms were. “I need an early night anyway, Mick’ll probably stumble in at arse o’clock and wake me up with his drunken rambling so I better get a headstart.”

“Yeah, I reckon so. Sorry you ended up with a shit roommate, Li.”

“It is what it is,” Liam sighed, smiling over to Louis. “Not all of us were lucky enough to get roomed with our best mates now, were we?”

“Hey, you know we had to get special permission for that,” Louis whined, remembering how many emails had been exchanged between the Chancellor of the University and their parents, explaining why Harry simply had to end up sharing a dorm with Louis, and the delight that had filled both of them when their requests were approved. “Besides, no one else would put up with his curly arse anyway.”

They both laughed at that, each of them bidding each other goodnight, leaving Harry and Louis to walk the rest of the way to their room on their own.

 **_We’re lucky to have them, you know,_ ** Harry mused as they walked. Louis just nodded beside him, reaching into his pocket to pull out the access card to their floor, knowing Harry had left his behind when they’d left for their first class that morning. **_They’re good guys._ **

_They are,_ Louis agreed, slinging an arm around Harry’s shoulders as they headed down the corridor towards their shared dorm. He laughed as Harry pushed his hand into Louis’ jeans pocket, pulling out their room key before he unlocked the door, shoving Louis inside. _Oi, treat me nicely, I’m very delicate!_

Harry just scoffed at that and rolled his eyes, tugging his jumper over his head and leaving his jeans in a heap on the floor, bare except for his boxers now. It was quite common for Louis to come back from a class or lecture and find Harry in various states of undress, and it was a work in progress everyday to keep his feelings under control. Still, he quickly changed himself and slid into bed, wanting a quiet night in with his best friend. After a few minutes, he was nudged against the wall, Harry folding his long limbs into bed with Louis and cuddling up to him.

**_Want to watch something on my laptop?_ **

_Go on then. Can’t have you feeling all lonely, can I?_

**_Never. It’s your job to take care of me, Lou. You know that._ **

Harry gave Louis a cheeky grin and opened up Netflix, flicking through until he found something that would keep the two of them entertained for the next few hours. Harry shuffled down slightly as the show started, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder, nudging until Louis’ arm ended up around Harry’s bare shoulders, his head on Louis’ chest now. It felt comfortable, and Louis couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever get this sort of contact with Harry in a different context.

 **_You okay?_ **Harry signed, his hands lit dimly by the light of the laptop and Louis just nodded, making a small hand motion that he knew Harry would see, telling him he was fine. He knew Harry had seen because of the small smile now on Harry’s lips, and he bit back a sigh as Harry’s hand rested on his tummy, the other man as tactile as ever. Louis just kept his focus on the show, only moving when a few hours later, Harry was sound asleep, the battery on the laptop had long died, and Louis needed to lay down himself.

He didn’t bother to move Harry, instead, he just wriggled out from underneath him to put the laptop on the floor and out of harm’s way. He made sure to lock the door and then climbed back into bed, taking his space back, and it wasn’t long before Harry was cosying up again, a leg thrown across Louis’.

“G’night Harold,” Louis whispered into the darkness. “Sleep tight. Love you.” He pressed a kiss to the curls on top of Harry’s head and shut his eyes, willing the sleep to come as he lay tightly wrapped in Harry’s embrace.

*****

Louis took a breath before he pushed open the door of the lecture hall where he was due to meet Harry, cussing under his breath when he glanced at his phone screen, realising he was later than he’d intended to be. Harry had text Louis in a panic that morning when Mallory had cancelled on him again, begging him to come and translate his lecture for him as it was an important pre-exam one Harry couldn’t afford to miss. Louis had of course agreed, but had been caught up with his own teacher, and had consequently sprinted across campus, leaving him sweaty and a bit of a mess.

He pushed through the doors, grimacing when they creaked loudly, drawing everyone’s attention onto him but a small smile from the lecturer told him it was okay that he was interrupting. All of Harry’s teachers were aware of Louis and why he sometimes appeared in their lectures, so he walked along the aisle to where he could see Harry sat with his laptop in front of him, smiling slightly at him.

 _Sorry I’m late, Curly,_ he signed as he slid into the seat next to Harry, quietly apologising under his breath to the students he’d budged out of the way. _Got stuck in class._

**_It’s okay, I’m just grateful you’re here at all. Now concentrate please, this is an important one._ **

_Will do_ , Louis grinned, angling his body so Harry could see his hands as the lecturer spoke. By now, it was second nature for Louis to listen and sign seconds after, a skill he’d honed over the years, and one he knew still had Zayn, Liam and Niall in awe of. Harry was watching Louis’ hands carefully, his fingers tapping away at the keys of his laptop as he jotted down anything important, trying to follow everything on the screen at the front of the room as well.

The lecturer must have sensed Harry panicking slightly, trying to keep up with everything as he spoke up, directing his words to Louis.

“Mr Tomlinson, if you could assure Mr Styles I’ll be emailing him the entire presentation from this lecture, and the notes too, that would be much appreciated,” Dr Roberts assured Louis, who nodded gratefully, quickly signing those words to Harry.

“He said thank you very much,” Louis said, the lecturer nodding before he went back to addressing the room. Out of the corner of his eye, Louis could spot a blonde man at the end of their row watching him avidly, but he ignored him, intent on keeping signing for Harry. He knew his best friend would be upset if he didn’t, even though the notes were being sent through. _Who’s that?_

 **_Who’s who?_ **Harry frowned, head flying around as he tried to work out who Louis meant, but the man was watching the screen again now, not drawing any attention to himself.

 _No one, just being paranoid I suppose,_ Louis signed, finishing off the last few announcements from the lecturer before the lights went up, everyone standing up to gather their things. He and Harry remained seated, preferring to wait until the room had cleared before they left, and they signed between them, talking about Louis’ lecture and how things were going for him. _There. That guy there, in the red shirt. He keeps looking at us._

**_Oh, that’s James. He’s probably just curious about our signing Lou, you know we draw lots of attention when we do it like this. Don’t worry about it. You wanna go for coffee? I was going to meet Niall after this anyway._ **

_Sure, sounds good,_ Louis agreed, standing up and leading the way out of the hall, resisting the urge to glare at this James person and warn him off Harry. Louis knew deep down that he had no rights to do any such thing, and they signed together as they walked towards the student coffee shop, grinning when they saw Niall sat there with three coffee cups in front of him.

 _“_ How’d you know I was coming too?” Louis asked as he sat down, signing at the same time. “But thanks mate, need this.”

“Hazza text me,” Niall signed and spoke, grinning to the pair of them. He watched Harry’s hand as he signed something quickly and his eyes lit up as he realised he understood. “He just said he needs to go to the loo, didn’t he?”

“Yep, well done,” Louis laughed, nodding at Harry as he pushed his way through the crowds, head down as always. “How’s your day, young Nialler?”

“I’m a year younger than you, Tommo, drop the young bit. Meant to ask you earlier, actually, did you text that guy back about meeting him for coffee?”

“No, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything about it around Haz. I didn’t tell him, and I don’t intend to. And no, I’m not going.”

“Why? He seemed nice enough-”

“Just drop it Niall,” Louis warned, his voice lower than normal, wanting to finish the conversation before Harry came back. Harry was better at lip-reading than any of them knew, and Louis didn’t want to start any awkward conversations. “I’m not interested in a relationship right now, okay? I’ve got enough going on with Uni, and Haz, and everything else.”

“Right,” Niall scoffed, shaking his head as he lifted the lid off his cup, stirring in a small sugar packet. “You’d be interested in a relationship with a certain green-eyed, curly-haired man though. Come on Lou, you know we can all see what’s going on…"

“Please. Niall, please, just leave it alone. Harry’s my best mate, and I’m happy with that…” Louis trailed off as he saw Harry coming back towards their table, carefully weaving through the other people standing around and chatting. “So who’s up for a movie marathon this weekend at mine and Hazza’s then?” he signed and spoke, making Harry and Niall smile at him.

 **_Only if we don’t have to watch bloody Marvel again_ ** , Harry signed with a roll of his eyes, making Louis gasp and place a hand on his heart like he was wounded. **_Oh sod off Lou, we’ve watched those films to death. I think Niall and I deserve a choice?_ **

“Damn right we do!” Niall said, signing sloppily at the same time. “I’m going to put a lot of hours of research into this choice.”

“How the hell is this my life?” Louis moaned, resting his head in his head as Niall cackled beside him. He flinched as Harry’s hand pressed on his forearm, getting his attention as he usually did. _You okay?_

**_Did I upset you?_ **

_Don’t be daft,_ Louis signed, aware Niall was texting someone now and not following their conversation. _It’s all good. Now show me that dimple._

That made Harry smile widely again and Louis sent it back, trying to ignore the way Harry’s foot nudged his under the table, out of sight of anyone else. Sometimes, he and Harry could be in the middle of the busiest room in the world, but at times, it felt like it was just the two of them, that they were entirely alone.

“I’ve got it, bitches!” Niall said excitedly, forgetting to sign so Louis stepped in. Harry leaned forward slightly, anticipating Niall’s answer while Louis was just dreading it. “Chicago!”

“Fucks sake, kill me now,” Louis moaned, his head dropping onto the table in front of him as he heard Harry and Niall high five each other, clearly pleased with the decision. “You two, I swear…”

*****

_5 days later_

“Have you got any printing credit left?” Liam asked from where he was sat on his bed, his laptop perched on his lap, looking over the screen of it to Louis who was on Liam’s roommates bed, sitting comfy in some shorts and one of Harry’s big t-shirts that drowned his slight frame. “I’m out, and I need to get this done before tomorrow.”

“Yeah sure, you know my code,” Louis muttered, determined to finish his essay before tonight when he knew Harry would just want to snuggle up and watch more Netflix, not that Louis was complaining. “You got any food? I’m starving and I missed lunch.”

“Lou, you need to stop missing meals,” Liam chastised, sighing as he glared at Louis across the room. “You’re tiny enough-”

“Fuck off, you sound like Harold,” Louis moaned, saving his work quickly before he lost his hours of hard graft. “I eat enough, trust me. I had to meet Hazza for his lecture again, and then I came here to meet you and work on this essay. I need to get it done today or I lose like 25% of my total mark for this module.”

“Well, we care about you, Lou. We all do. Some more than most-”

He was interrupted by a rapid knocking on the door before it flew open, a loud bang ringing out as it slammed against the wall behind it, making Liam shriek in annoyance.

“Fucks sake Haz, stop denting my damn wall!”

Louis laughed but signed Liam’s words at the flustered looking boy who’d just walked in, pacing and wringing his hands in front of him. Liam was by now up and on his feet, inspecting the wall and the ever-so-slight divot in the wall where the metal handle had connected. 

**_You’re just- you won’t-_ ** Harry sighed deeply for a second, steadying his hands and locking his eyes on Louis’ before he started signing again, a little slower and calmer than before. Liam was back and sat next to Louis, trying to follow the conversation but Louis knew it was too fast for the relatively new signer to follow. **_Louis, something amazing just happened._ **

_You won the lottery. You adopted a cat. You’re having a baby,_ he guessed, Harry’s laugh rumbling low until he stopped, all too aware of Liam’s presence to let go like he would around just Louis.

 **_No, no and I wish,_ ** Harry signed back, grinning madly back at Louis again. **_I mean, that last one is sadly impossible but still… anyway, don't distract me. Someone just asked me out on a date, Lou! A real date!_ **

Louis kept the smile on his face but it felt like the bottom was falling out of his world. His heart was thudding in his chest, and his brain was just trying to compute what Harry had signed to him, trying to find a mistake in one of the signs, praying that he’d misinterpreted it but he hadn’t. Harry was going out. With a boy. On a date. And it wasn’t with Louis.

“ _Wow, that’s uh, that’s amazing, Haz!_ ”

**_I know! I can’t believe he’s interested in me, I mean… come on. But yeah, we’re going out on Thursday, just for a drink at the student union but… I’ve got a date!_ **

_“Yeah, you do,”_ Louis signed and spoke, aware that Harry wouldn’t be able to hear the regret laced in his voice that he hadn’t got there first. “ _Tell me about him, love.”_

The last thing Louis wanted to hear was anything about the man about to date his best friend, but he was nothing if not a good friend to Harry. He could sense Liam tense up next to him, but Louis fought to keep himself as relaxed as he could, despite his heart breaking inside his chest. 

Harry proceeded to sign quickly and excitedly to the point where Liam had looked completely and utterly lost, and Louis had had to put his hands over Harry’s, stopping him in his tracks for a moment. Louis quickly signed to Harry to breathe and his best friend nodded, sitting down as close to Louis as he could get before he continued, excitement shining clearly in his eyes. It was then that Louis was sure what he and Harry had right now was all they’d ever be, and that he had to be okay with it if he didn’t want to lose Harry forever.

**_You’ve met him, Lou! Well, seen him anyway. James. Remember, from my class, the guy that kept looking at me. Turns out it was because he… uh, he liked me._ **

_“Right, so he’s a good guy then?”_ Louis asked, still speaking and translating as much as he could for Liam.

**_Yeah! He seems super nice, had a lovely letter written out for me and everything. It’s nice he doesn’t seem to care about me being deaf, Lou. And before you say it, I know you don’t care either but it’s different, yeah? We’ve known each other like forever!_ **

_“Yeah, well I’m glad you know. That’s just you, Haz. I’m happy for you that someone else sees how great you are.”_

**_I know, you’re the best friend ever. I hate to leave but I’m gonna run back to our place and find what I’m gonna wear! Never had to dress up for a date before!_ **

Louis plastered another smile on his face and nodded as Harry hopped up, quickly kissing Louis’ cheek and hugging Liam before he danced back out of the room, gone as quickly as he’d arrived. Louis just let out the deep breath he’d been holding back and slumped against Liam, his thoughts a complete mess in the haze of his mind.

“Shit…” Liam mumbled under his breath, and Louis just nodded in agreement. It was shit, but there was no way he could let onto Harry that was how he felt. “You okay, mate?”

“Not really,” Louis admitted, hating that he could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. He brought his hands up to his face and pressed the heels of his palms against them, willing them not to fall. It was one thing to feel broken inside about Harry potentially finding a new boyfriend, his _first_ boyfriend, Louis mentally corrected, but to outwardly break down was another. He sniffed and looked back at Liam’s concerned look. “He’s happy, yeah? That’s what I want. For him to be happy and confident in who he is, and if this James person gives him that, then who am I to stand in the way?”

Liam sighed and wove his arm around Louis’ shoulders, tugging him in until Louis gave in, relaxing into Liam’s warm and familiar embrace. He’d never actually admitted to his feelings for Harry before to any of their friends, but somehow he knew they all knew anyway, Liam a little more sensitive to it than Zayn or Niall.

“You’re allowed to say it hurts. I know you wish it was you, Louis,” Liam said, his words weighing heavily on Louis’ shoulders. “But you know you really should just bite the bullet and ask him out. I really think-”

Louis shook his head vehemently, knowing that was the last thing he’d ever do, especially now Harry was so happy.

“I can’t do that, Liam. Not now, anyway. And Harry doesn’t feel that way about me. He’s made it perfectly clear hundreds of times we’re best friends, and that’s it. I want him in my life, and that’s enough.”

“But is it enough? Really?”

Louis felt his bottom lip wobble until he swallowed, steeling himself to look Liam in the eye and answer the question, knowing that in reality he was lying through his teeth and that Liam would see right through him.

“It has to be.”

*****

**_Thursday_ **

Louis hitched his rucksack up higher onto his shoulder as his phone pinged again. It was a group of lads from one of his classes, inviting him out for the evening as they’d discussed earlier on but right now, Louis wasn’t feeling in the mood in the slightest. Tonight was the night Harry was going out for his date, and as much as it pained Louis to sit by and watch it happen, he knew he had to be there for Harry whatever the result of tonight might be.

He swiped himself into the dorm building and mooched his way upstairs, not merrily jogging as he usually would, keen to see Harry. What was happening tonight weighed heavily on his shoulders, but he gave himself a quick talking to as he lingered outside their door, his hand hovering nervously over the handle before he gave in and finally walked inside. He looked up and saw Harry straight away, the room a mess of clothes just littered on every available surface but Louis couldn’t help but feel endeared as he watched his best friend fret over what to wear.

**_Help me! Louis, everything I own is horrible and I have nothing to wear._ **

_As much as I love you Haz, I am not letting you go naked so we need to decide on something. Come on, you’ve got more clothes than I do, there must be something._

**_There isn’t. It’s all horrible._ **

Harry dramatically collapsed backwards onto his bed with those last few signs, and Louis just sighed, shaking his head as he started to rifle through the pile, trying to pick something that would make Harry look gorgeous, as much as he didn’t want to see him go. He lifted up a few of Harry’s colourful shirts and selected a red plaid one with a plain black t-shirt that Louis always thought made him look very handsome, and paired it with some ripped skinny jeans that he loved on Harry’s long legs. 

He nudged Harry’s foot with his own, causing the other man to look up at him and his signs, waiting for a sign.

_Come on, I’ve chosen something for you, get up you great oaf._

**_Help me,_ ** Harry pleaded, holding out his hands, waiting to be hauled to his feet. Louis rolled his eyes but obliged, taking Harry’s big hands in his own and pulling him to his feet, catching Harry as he stumbled into him, gazing into his green eyes for a moment. **_What would I do without you, Lou?_ **

Louis just shrugged and turned back to the pile of messy clothes, ignoring Harry as he started to strip off there and then to nothing, changing into clean boxers before he pulled on the outfit Louis had selected for him. Louis resisted the urge to turn around, folding the clothes into a neater pile until Harry’s fingers stroked across the back of his neck, gaining his attention. 

**_How do I look?_ **

As usual, Harry’s appearance took Louis’ breath away. The t-shirt clung in all the right places, and the shirt draped from his broad shoulders, highlighting his slim waist that Louis loved to hug so much. He pushed away the pangs of jealousy at the thought of James putting his hands on Harry and just smiled, smoothing away an imaginary piece of lint from Harry’s shoulder before he signed slowly to him.

_You look beautiful, darling. I can’t quite believe I’m sending you off on your first date._

**_I’m nervous, Lou,_ ** Harry admitted, and Louis knew it had taken him some courage to finally admit that. **_What if we don’t have anything in common, or he doesn’t like me when we get there?_ **

_Then come home,_ Louis shrugged, knowing he’d be here waiting and not moving until Harry came back later that night to regale him with tales of his date. _I’ll be waiting here. If you need me, just text me and I’ll be there. But he liked you enough to ask you, love. It’ll be fine. Be positive!_

They both chuckled at that, and Louis started to put Harry’s clothes back in their drawers as Harry stepped over to the sink, ruffling his hair up a bit and spritzing himself with the cologne Louis had bought him for Christmas last year. As Harry turned around, Louis decided to voice the thought that had been on his mind for the past few days, knowing Harry wouldn’t be upset by it.

_So have you thought about how you’re going to talk to him when you’re there?_

**_We’ll make it work somehow,_ ** Harry shrugged, clearly trying to keep a positive attitude going. **_You could come with me if you like, interpret for us?_ **

_Fuck off,_ Louis signed quickly, well aware his face had contorted into something less than friendly, and it seemed Harry had noticed as his own face flashed with hurt for a second. Louis quickly initiated damage control, grinning and poking his tongue out at Harry to lighten the atmosphere. _No way am I crashing your first date. You’ll be fine, love, I’m sure._

 **_Lou?_ ** Harry signed, touching Louis’ shoulder briefly, gaining his attention. **_I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to upset you. It was just a stupid joke, I’m sorry…_ **

_Stop apologising, it’s fine. Now finish up getting ready or you’ll be late. No point getting dressed up and looking that gorgeous for nothing, huh?_

Harry grinned and shook his head, doing a quick check of his outfit before he slipped his phone and wallet into his pocket, doing one last check in the mirror. He nodded, pleased with what he saw and walked over to Louis, pulling him in a crushing hug for a moment.

Louis shivered as he felt Harry’s lips graze his cheek for a moment, inhaling the familiar scent of his best friend, trying desperately to ignore the stirring in his jeans at their proximity and the way Harry’s hands lay on his hips.

**_I’ll be back later, okay? I love you, Lou._ **

_Love you too,_ Louis signed back, knowing he meant it in an entirely different way to what Harry had done. Harry seemed hesitant so Louis stepped away, opening the door to their room, painting a smile on his face, hoping his eyes didn’t give away his heartbreak. _Now go on, get out of here. Don’t want to keep him waiting. I’ll see you tonight._

Harry just nodded and walked past Louis, only pausing at the end of the corridor to give Louis a little wave before he disappeared around the corner, finally leaving Louis alone with just his imagination. Louis went back inside, deciding to make both of their beds, determined to distract himself until Harry came home so he didn’t have to think about what he and James would be up to on their date.

He’d just settled down on his newly made bed with his laptop and email from his lecturer when there was a loud bang at his door swiftly followed by a loud whoop. Louis sighed, knowing who was on the other side and he just yelled for them to come in, smiling when his friends barrelled inside. Liam had a carrier bag of what was undoubtedly junk food swinging from his fingers, Niall had a pack of beer and Zayn just brought himself.

“Why are you here? I don’t need babysitters,” Louis proclaimed as he shut down the laptop, tucking it under the bed. He’d had too many close calls with Niall nearly sitting on it to even risk leaving it out. “Niall, I just made Harry’s bed…”

“So?” the Irish man grinned back, wriggling his bum around to get comfy, ruining the covers even more. “S’not like he’s here to moan at me, is it? He’s off with his new boyfriend.”

“Don’t call him that,” Louis snapped, glaring at Niall across the way. “It’s the first fucking date, Niall.”

“Alright, Lou,” Liam soothed, handing him a bag of Haribo from the bag to pacify him for a moment. Only Liam knew of Louis’ weakness for Haribo Tangfastics, but he accepted them and popped open the bag, shoving a few into his mouth to stop himself talking. “You doing okay?”

“Just dandy,” Louis replied around a mouthful of sticky sweets, rolling his eyes. “Had to help him get dressed, didn’t I? Bloody twat couldn’t choose what to wear, so I sent him off in one of my favourite outfits on him. Bloody glutton for punishment, I am.”

Zayn tugged Louis into a quick hug then and settled next to him on the bed, a cigarette tucked behind his ear, his quiff perfect as always. Louis was a little jealous of it, not that he’d ever admit to it. 

“You wanna watch something, or listen to some music and just chill?” Liam asked, and Louis pondered for a moment, eventually settling on a movie. He hoped that the four of them focusing their attention on the screen would mean that they didn’t focus it on him and his lack of balls when it came to admitting to his feelings. “No, not from Harry’s stash, Niall, it’s bad enough when he makes us watch them with him.”

“Oi, leave him alone. He’s got a soft heart,” Louis defended, slipping between the covers of his bed, leaving the other three to fight for space. He ended up with Zayn squished in beside him, and Liam and Niall lounging atop Harry’s bed. It was a comfortable silence that settled over them as the movie played, but after a while, Louis shivered, always susceptible to the cold.

“Tommo, stick this on,” Niall said, handing Louis a jumper he’d grabbed from by the head of Harry’s bed. It was of course one of Harry’s, and Louis hesitated for just a moment before he slipped it on over his head, covertly inhaling the scent of Harry as it slid over his head, hanging off his tiny frame. Harry always bought his jumpers a size too big for himself, so they drowned Louis but there was something about it he loved.

“Thanks Nialler,” Louis mumbled, trying to focus on Kill Bill and it’s catchy soundtrack playing on his laptop propped up at the end of the bed. Still, his mind wouldn’t settle, and all he kept thinking about was what Harry was up to, if James was treating Harry right, if he was having a good time. His phone lay dark on his lap, his fingers ready to snatch it up the moment Harry text asking for him, but it never came.

“You need to be honest with him,” came a soft voice in the darkness, almost whispered into Louis’ ear, and he swallowed heavily, wondering if Zayn would keep talking if he didn’t reply. “He’s not as naive as you think, Louis-”

“He is. James is the first guy whose shown him some attention, and he’s enjoying himself. There’s no way I’m stopping him from having fun because I can’t get over my crush on him.”

Zayn sighed next to him, rolling onto his side, his dark eyes burning into the side of Louis’ face now.

“Lou, don’t do that. Don’t diminish how you feel by calling it a crush. Harry loves you too, you know that-”

“I do, but not in the way I want to be loved,” Louis admitted, his heart breaking as he spoke the words aloud. “I want him to be happy. He deserves happiness, and if I have to break my own heart to give it to him, so be it.”

“Then you need to get over this jealousy crap. You’re being obvious, even bloody Niall can see it and he’s got the emotional intelligence of a gloworm. Either tell Harry how you really feel, or move on. I know it sounds harsh, Lou, but you need to protect yourself as well. I’m friends with you both, and I don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

“I know,” Louis muttered, shutting his eyes to ward off the impending tears. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, his fringe was being stroked out of his face, and he blinked blearily up, surprised to see Harry smiling softly down at him, sat next to Louis. They were now alone, the boys clearly having gone back to their own rooms, and Louis hoped he didn’t look too rough. The only disconcerting thing was that Harry smelt like smoke and something that wasn’t typically him, and Louis didn’t like it. Harry had never smoked, didn’t like when Louis and Zayn did it, so to smell it on him was wrong somehow, and Louis wrinkled his nose before Harry tweaked it with his fingertips, making Louis laugh before starting to sign. The fact James had been close enough to Harry to make him smell like cigarettes didn’t sit well with Louis.

_You’re back. How’d it go?_

**_Good. Really good._ **

Louis didn’t miss the blush that rose on Harry's cheeks at that admission, and he pushed aside the swirling in his own stomach to focus on Harry’s smile, and finding out more about his evening.

_He treated you right then? I don’t need to go and punch him on the nose tomorrow morning?_

**_No, Louis, god, I’d never ask you to do that! But yeah, he was good. Bought me pizza and a coke at the student bar. We’ve got a few things in common, I think. It was fun, and no one looked at us funny either._ **

_Why would they, you bloody twit? Anyway, good taste in food, I’ll admit. How was communicating with him?_

Harry’s face fell a little at that, and Louis immediately regretted asking. His hand shot out of the covers and grabbed Harry’s, lacing their fingers as they’d done countless times in their lives before Harry wriggled his hand free, needing it to sign back to Louis. As he signed, Louis rested his hand on Harry’s thigh, needing to touch him in some way.

**_It was hard, I’ll be honest. We were writing on our phones most of the time. He knew a few bits, like he’d learnt his name in finger spelling, but… yeah. I mean, I knew it would be different but still… it made me realise how easy it is to talk to you, you know?_ **

_Well, I’ve been doing this since I was five, Haz. Give him a chance._

Louis couldn’t quite believe he was defending this guy, but the smile on Harry’s face was worth his own pain. Harry reached out and adjusted the neck of the jumper Louis was wearing, and Louis flushed as he knew Harry had noticed it was his clothes he was in.

**_I like you in my clothes. You look all cute and tiny._ **

_Don’t call me tiny, Harold…_

**_Tiny, tiny, tiny. My tiny little Lou._ **

“Not your anything,” Louis muttered aloud, sure Harry wouldn’t catch it but he hadn’t banked on Harry’s eyes being focused on his lips, and his brow furrowed.

**_What was that?_ **

_I said I’m not tiny, don’t be rude._

He squealed as Harry dove on top of him, caging him in under his body, thighs clamped either side of Louis’ hips as he hugged Louis close, a position they’d been in too many times to count. It should feel fine, normal in fact, but Louis wanted nothing more than for this scenario to be different, and he roughly pushed Harry away, not missing the hurt that flashed across his features.

**_Hey. Don’t push me away._ **

_Sorry. Ate too many Haribo’s earlier and I feel a bit sick…_

**_My poor Lou. Lemme get you a glass of water. Stay there, I’ll come and give you a cuddle._ **

Louis lay back down, hating lying to Harry but he didn’t see a way out that didn’t involve hurting Harry’s feelings even more. He stayed there as Harry stripped off his outfit down to his boxers and an old baggy t-shirt before he handed Louis a glass of water, and got into bed next to him, the pair far too big to be crammed into one tiny single bed but neither minded.

Harry held out his arm and Louis didn’t hesitate to snuggle up against him, resting his head on Harry’s chest, sighing in pleasure as Harry’s fingers starting carding through his hair. He felt Harry’s free hand scrabble for his, making the sign that was just for the two of them, and had been for years. Louis smiled to himself as he finally let himself relax in Harry’s embrace, figuring that he’d deal with his cacophony of feelings another day.

*****

“Please complete the assignment by this time next week. I expect a high level of output from you now, some of you are certainly not showing me your full potential. Full details for the assignment will be emailed to you by tonight. Any questions, come to find me in my office. Dismissed.”

The hum of chatter rose up as the students started to rise from their desks, collecting up their laptops and notepads, shoving them into rucksacks as they chatted to their friends. Louis kept himself to himself, feeling tired after an awful nights sleep the evening prior, and put his head down, marching for the exit, sighing heavily when he joined the back of the queue, just desperate to leave and get back to his dorm by now.

As he stepped into the cool Autumn afternoon, Louis shivered and tugged his beanie out of the back pocket of his jeans, pausing for a second to tug it on over his head, ignoring what a mess it would make his hair later on. He’d just squeezed through a gap in the crowd of people hanging around outside the lecture hall when a tap on the shoulder caught his attention, and his heart sang at the appearance of his best friend, complete with a takeaway cup of tea in his hand that he quickly handed to Louis before he tugged him into a hug.

 **_I know you had a bad sleep last night, so I thought I’d cheer you up and bring you tea,_ **Harry signed with a smile, and Louis just wanted to cry with what a thoughtful gesture it was. Something so small meant so much, and he pressed his lips together, just looking down at the drink before he finally met Harry’s eyes again, nodding his thanks in lieu of being able to sign in reply. Harry hooked his arm through Louis’ free one and walked them over to a bench underneath a large willow tree, the pair sitting together for a moment. Louis took the opportunity to sit the drink by his feet to sign for a moment, knowing the tea was too hot to drink just yet.

_Thought you were seeing James today?_

Harry just shrugged and nudged Louis’ knee with his own as he got closer.

**_You’re more important. I texted him and told him you needed me today._ **

For some reason, that made Louis’ heart feel full, and he relaxed slightly, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder for a moment, watching the world go by as they sat there. He knew his jealousy was irrational, that Harry was free to date whoever he wanted, but Louis still felt hurt. He wanted to be the one dating Harry, taking him out, spending time together kissing and cuddling with him. 

_What are we going to do, then? Just sit here all day?_ Louis teased, and Harry smiled, his dimple popping as he shook his head. It was times like these that Louis wished he could hear Harry’s laugh more, but still, he’d* take what he could get, and today, that was Harry all to himself.

**_No, you twat. I thought we’d maybe go to the library, like when we were kids? You know, find a word in a book, that game we used to play. Then we could go and grab some dinner? Mum sent me a gift card for Pizza Express, so we could go and use that?_ **

_You don’t want to-_

Louis was stopped from signing any further by Harry grabbing his hands, glaring at him. Harry might be the softest person Louis had ever met, but when he had that steely glint in his green eyes, it was a little intimidating, especially up close. After a second, Harry released Louis’ hands and started signing himself, a little more aggressively than he had before.

**_No, I don’t want to use it with James. I want to go out with you, okay? You’re my best friend, Lou, why are you being like this?_ **

Louis swallowed roughly, feeling a little guilty now so he just plastered on a smile, sipping on his tea before he signed a reply.

_Sorry, I just… I guess I’m tired and grotty because I didn’t sleep well. That sounds like the perfect day, thank you, love. Shall we get going now then?_

**_Let me finish my coffee, yeah?_ **

Louis nodded and relaxed back again, dropping his head against Harry’s shoulder once more. Part of him longed for Harry to reach around him and hug him, his long arms encompassing Louis’ smaller body, but for now, he had to settle for this. He loved how they could sit in silence like this, and it felt like no time at all when Harry was standing up, holding out a hand to haul Louis to his feet, snatching up Louis’ rucksack and flinging it over his shoulder before Louis had a moment to protest.

They signed a conversation as they made their way across town to the big library, preferring it to the one at the Uni campus. It was much quieter, frequented by the community as opposed to solely students, and they found that they could find a quiet corner much easier. They stopped off to buy a couple of cookies each from a small bakery, and eventually they arrived at the library and found a table towards the back of the first floor. Harry placed Louis’ bag on the floor next to his chair, smiling as Louis collapsed into one next to him..

**_Am I going first, or are you?_ **

_You,_ Louis smirked as he signed. _First word is… spring._

Harry nodded and walked away briskly, leaving Louis to push himself out of his seat. He mosied along the aisles of books, letting his fingers run over the spines as he decided which book to pick. He knew the sort of tome Harry would pick from the shelves, and as always, Louis had a plan. He found the book he was looking for and started flicking through, eyes lighting up with mirth as he saw the word he needed on one of the first pages, hurrying back to the table. He hid the book on his lap so Harry wouldn’t be able to see it, and it wasn’t long before his best friend returned, a heavy looking book in his hands.

 **_Right, I’m going first,_ ** Harry signed, setting the book down on the table in front of him. Louis watched his eyes flicker back and forth as he found the line he wanted, a small smile settling on his lips when he found it. **_Okay, this is from a poem called Every Day You Play._ ** He paused for a moment, and looked Louis in the eye as he signed. **_I want to do with you what the spring does with the cherry trees._ **

_Wow,_ Louis replied, knowing how much Harry loved his romantic poetry, but even for him, that line was beautiful. _I love that. My turn?_

 **_Sure_ ** , Harry signed back, clasping his hands over his flat tummy. **_Am I going to be impressed?_ **

_That’s one word for it,_ Louis signed back, trying not to laugh as his eyes flickered down to his lap, double checking he’d memorised the line well enough. _This is from a very well known romance…_ Louis decided to vocalise the words as he signed, well aware of Harry’s eyes on his lips as he spoke. _“Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free.”_

Louis almost wanted to cackle when he watched Harry’s eyes widen as he took in what Louis was signing, and the blush that set in on his cheeks was worth the embarrassment Louis felt inside for saying those words to Harry, and in public, no less.

**_What the fuck? Louis, what the hell kind of romance is that from?!_ **

_Fifty Shades of Grey_ , Louis laughed as he held up the book, Harry shaking his head in dismay, his cheeks still fire engine red. _Don’t tell me you didn’t love that, Styles._

 ** _That was absolutely terrible,_** Harry replied quickly, closing his book of poetry. **_Now I have to think of something you can’t turn into porn. Um… let’s try… love_**. Harry looked smug as he stood up, tapping Louis’ shoulder to get his attention again before he walked away. **_Try turning that into your low-brow filth, Lewis._**

 _Is that a challenge, Harold?_ Louis replied, laughing to himself as Harry rolled his eyes, walking off to replace the book, no doubt finding another equally soppy quote. Louis, though, stayed where he was with his choice of romance novel and read as fast he could, laughing to himself as he found the perfect line. He watched as Harry came back towards him, trying not to let his eyes wander down to the swing of Harry’s slim hips in his too-tight skinny jeans, wriggling slightly in his seat so he didn’t get too affected.

Harry didn’t bother to say anything this time and just held up another book of poetry, propping it up against the lamp in the middle of the table as he signed.

**_Love one another, but make not a bond of love; Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of two souls._ **

Louis swallowed down the lump in his throat at the beautiful quote Harry had given, and he saw the way Harry’s toes were turned in, like he was nervous of Louis’ reaction. Instead of giving him what he wanted, Louis just cleared his throat and signed and spoke quickly and clearly.

_I don’t make love - I fuck… hard-_

He was stopped signing and speaking by Harry both grabbing his wrists in one hand, his other pressing against Louis’ mouth, trying fruitlessly to shove the words back inside. They stayed like that for a beat too long, Harry between Louis’ spread legs, looking down on him with an unreadable expression until finally, he stood up. Louis could feel the tension between them, and he watched Harry’s hands move slowly as he stood up fully, taking a step back from Louis’ body.

**_You just… you just did that, didn’t you?_ **

_I did,_ Louis nodded, laughing to himself again. _Do I get another go?_

 **_Only if you promise not to use Fifty Shades of fucking shit_ ** , Harry signed back and Louis signed, nodding his agreement. **_What’s my word, then?_ **

_Dark_ , Louis signed back, inspired by how dark Harry’s eyes had gone as he’d stared at him a moment ago. Harry dragged him to his feet, grabbing Louis’ book. _Oi, what are you doing with my book?_

 **_Taking it so you can’t quote from it again,_ ** Harry signed, wandering off and leaving Louis alone once more. Louis, however, wasn’t to be deterred and he hurried back to where he’d been before, picking up another book. Luckily, it wasn’t long until he stumbled on his word, this time memorising the quote before he stuffed the book back on the shelf, racing Harry back to the table. Harry was already waiting, though, and he eyed Louis suspiciously as he sat down minus a book. **_Where’s your book?_ **

_Quotes up here,_ Louis smirked, tapping his temple as he grinned over at Harry. _And because I’m a gentleman, I’ll let you go first._

 **_Fine. Prepare to be blown away by this one, it’s one of my favourites_ ** , Harry said, laying the book out on the table. **_"I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body."_ **

_Hang on, hang on,_ Louis started to sign, raising an eyebrow at his best friend. _I thought the word was dark. Can’t be changing it to suit your own rules, Harry love._

Harry floundered for a moment, his hands in front of him as if he wanted to sign but genuinely had no idea what to say. In the end, he just shrugged and let his arms fall by his sides again, just giving Louis his typical dopey smile, eyes dropping back to the book again. There was a flash of guilt within Louis then as he realised Harry had chosen beautiful quotes, quotes all about love but he quickly pushed that aside as green eyes met his own, clearly eager to find out what Louis had picked since he’d stolen his evil book from him.

 _“Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin,”_ he quoted, almost scared to look at Harry’s face, but a hand slamming on the table got his attention.

**_I took that bloody book away from you!_ **

Harry’s signing was fast and furious now, his cheeks red again and eyes wild as they glared at Louis.

 _It wasn’t from Fifty Shades of Grey!_ Louis admitted, Harry’s eyebrows raising at his confession. _It was from Fifty Shades Darker._

Harry raised his hands in exasperation before he grabbed his things, abandoning Louis who just fish mouthed, wondering what to do. He waited for a moment for Harry to come back, and when he didn’t, he sighed, collecting his things together and popping the books back before he left.

“Did you not want to take anything, young man?” the older woman behind the desk asked kindly, smiling at him as he went to leave.

“Oh, no, thank you. My friend and I found what we were looking for.”

“Alright, well, have a good afternoon,” she called as Louis smiled at her, hurrying out of the main doors, looking frantically left and right for any sign of Harry. Luckily, he didn’t have to look far because Harry was sat near the bottom of the steps, his bag between his legs. Louis walked over and peered over, shaking his head and smiling when he saw Harry chuckling to himself, looking up at Louis from where he was sat.

 _Oi, you shit, I was worried. Thought I’d upset you or something_ , Louis signed, sitting down heavily next to Harry for a moment. _I just thought I’d have a bit of fun with it…_

 **_Nah, you’re fine, Lou,_ ** Harry signed back, his green eyes shining in the sun. **_Just… can’t take you anywhere, can I. And don’t think I don’t know you were saying those things aloud. I saw a few people looking our way._ **

_You should know by now I don’t mind an audience,_ Louis retorted with a wink, making Harry blush again. _Anyway, I’m hungry. Fancy going for a late lunch rather than dinner? We can walk to Pizza Express from here rather than going all the way back to the dorms and then out again?_

**_Can do. I wouldn’t say no to some nice Hawaiian pizza._ **

_Traitor,_ Louis signed, a look of disgust on his face. _I’ll be ordering the stinky pepperoni by the way, so just prepare yourself._

**_Oh joy. Lucky, lucky me. I need a new best friend._ **

_Nope. Afraid you’re stuck with me for life,_ Louis teased before he linked arms with Harry, proudly strolling up the street with him, winking at an elderly couple who smiled at them. At moments like this, Louis could forget all about his jealousy and just enjoy life with his best friend by his side, any mention of James completely and utterly forgotten.

******

“Look who I found downstairs!” Louis spoke and signed as he burst into his and Harry’s dorm room with a huge smile on his face, indicating the two people stood behind him, equally wide grins on their faces. 

**_Mum! Jay!_ ** Harry got up and barrelled across the room and into the arms of the women both boys considered to be their mothers. They embraced him just as ferociously as they had Louis in the entrance hall, and Louis watched Harry’s shoulder shake as he started to cry, overwhelmed by their presence. They hadn’t been expecting visitors, but apparently, Anne and Jay had had different ideas. Harry pulled away after a moment, wiping his eyes before he signed again. **_What are you doing here?_ **

“We thought we’d come and see our sons. We miss you both so much, it’s not the same at home without you both,” Jay signed and spoke, as fluent in signing as Louis and Anne were now, thanks to years of both people teaching her at every opportunity. “We wanted to take you out for a coffee, check in, make sure things are going well with you both.”

“Well, that sounds bloody lovely. Let us get changed, and we’ll meet you downstairs?” Louis asked, signing at the same time and the women nodded, walking out and leaving the boys alone. As the door shut behind them, Louis turned and leaned back against it, his heart skipping to see Harry so happy, still crying slightly. _So, you happy?_

 **_Did you arrange this, Lou?_ ** Harry asked, and Louis shook his head. He genuinely had had nothing to do with Jay and Anne coming to meet them, but seeing how happy it made Harry made him wish he had. **_Well, I’m so happy they’re here. I miss them so much. It’s only because you’re here that I bother to stay, really._ **

_Hey, don’t say that,_ Louis signed, walking over to his drawers, finding something to wear while Harry stripped to his boxers, grabbing a shirt from their shared wardrobe and doing up some of the buttons. Louis focused on getting himself dressed since they couldn’t have a conversation while Harry’s attention was elsewhere. He watched as Harry stole a spray of his aftershave, and turned back to his bed, trying to mask his smile at how Harry wearing his scent made him feel. He jumped when Harry tapped him on the shoulder, and he whirled around, facing his best friend, heart swooping at how handsome Harry looked. Without thinking, he reached up and arranged Harry’s curls with his fingers, loving how Harry just stood there and let him do it.

_There. Perfect._

**_Far from it. But thank you,_ ** Harry signed in reply, walking over to the door and holding it open for Louis like a gentleman. They went downstairs quietly, grinning at their mums as they approached. Louis walked with Jay, and Harry with Anne as they walked to the coffee shop, preferring to wait for group conversation until they were all sat down and able to watch each other sign. On the way, they bumped into Liam and Niall who were on their way to class, and Louis loved introducing his friends to the two women who meant the most to him in the world. Liam formally shook their hands, while Niall dove in for a hug, both Harry and Louis entirely unsurprised to see that happen. Eventually, Harry had had to force their two friends off to class, and they all hopped on the bus, going to the other end of town where Louis and Harry’s favourite coffee shop was located.

“Right, drinks are on us,” Anne insisted as they all sat down. Harry took the coats from their mums and went to hang them up before he returned, sitting back down next to Louis. “Usual, Harry?” 

Both boys nodded and watched their mums go off. Thankfully, there was no queue at the desk, and before they knew it, they were carrying over two trays filled with cups of tea and coffee, and apparently some treats as well. Louis and Harry shot out of their seats, taking the trays and setting them, dishing out things for everyone before finally, they were all sat together again. As always, they all spoke and signed at the same time, grateful the cafe seemed fairly quiet.

“So tell us about Uni, boys. Those friends of yours seem nice,” Jay said with a smile as Louis stirred a splash on milk into his tea, wrinkling his nose as Harry just picked up black coffee and drank it. “Your courses going well?”

“Yeah, really well,” Louis said as Harry started cutting up his pastry on the little plate, eyes still flitting over to follow Louis’ signs. Louis told them all about what he’d been up to so far, the friends he’d made, and how Harry had to nag him about doing his homework, making both Anne and Jay laugh, commenting that some things never changed, which was entirely true. “And Hazza is doing amazing as well.”

**_Oh stop, Lou. I’m getting by. It’s been weird without Louis in class, I’ve always had him there but I’m getting used to it. The girl I work with is nice enough. And Lou’s stepped in if she’s been unable to make it. Dunno what I’d do without him, actually._ **

Louis blushed in his seat, focusing extremely hard on the croissant in front of him. 

_You’d be fine without me,_ he signed slowly, barely looking at Harry. _You really would._

“Well, we don’t have to worry about that, do we?” Anne said, changing the subject. Both boys listened as the women gave them tales of what had been happening at home, the things they’d been up to, and the plans they’d already put into place for Christmas, both families apparently due to share the festive day together at the Styles home. Louis smiled to himself at that thought.

“Any romance on the horizon?” Jay teased all of a sudden, and nobody missed how Harry’s cheeks flared red almost immediately at the question. Louis knew Harry hadn’t mentioned James on their FaceTime calls home, but now it was unavoidable. “Oh my god, Harry?! Tell us more!”

**_It’s, uh… someone in my class asked me out?_ **

“Oh, sweetheart. What’s his name? Why didn’t you tell me?” Anne signed, clearly happy to hear her son’s news. Jay’s eyes met Louis’ across the table and he gave her a glare, too aware he wasn’t fooling her at all as Harry signed about James, telling Anne and Jay about the few dates they’d shared so far, passing over his phone to a selfie he’d taken of them both the last time they’d met for coffee at the student bar.

 **_I’m just gonna pop to the loo. Back in a tick,_ ** Harry signed, sliding out of his seat, his hip brushing past Louis’ arm as he disappeared. Louis deflated, resting his arms on the table and his head on top of them then, his heart now racing in his chest. He knew there was no way he’d get away with neither Anne or Jay saying something, and just seconds later, he was proved right.

“Darling? Are you alright?”

“Bloody dandy,” Louis replied, his words muffled by his arms. He felt someone tug his hair, and he sat up, giving them a wobbly smile across the table. “I’m fine. Honestly.”

“And you’re a liar,” Jay said softly, knowing how her son really felt about Harry. He’d never explicitly told his mum he was in love with Harry, but she had that mother’s intuition. So, apparently, did Anne.

“It’s new for him, Lou. I… I’m happy for him, but I… I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, Anne. I’m trying to be happy for him, I really am. I listen when he comes back from their dates, I make sure he gets there safe, and that he knows he can call me if he needs to get out of there. It’s his life,” he shrugs, ignoring the pang of pain in his chest.

“Now you can try telling us the truth,” Jay said quickly, as if she was conscious of Harry returning any moment. “Come on, Louis.”

“I’m heartbroken,” he whispered, his eyes prickling with tears now. “I just… I wish it was me.”

He snapped his mouth shut as he saw a familiar figure sloping towards them, and Harry leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of Louis’ head before he sat down. Louis knew it was just a friendly gesture, one they’d been doing since they were five and six years old, but there was a massive part of him that wanted it to be more than that.

 **_What have you said to upset my boy?_ **Harry signed, directing it at their mums. Luckily, Jay stepped up, taking the blame.

“I was just telling Lou how much I missed my lovely boy being around at home, you know how emotional he gets,” she joked, and they all laughed. Louis tried not to tense up as Harry’s arm slid around his shoulders, tugging him close to offer comfort, entirely unaware these sort of actions hurt Louis as well, just in a different way. “Good job he’s got you to cuddle him and make him feel better.”

 _Lucky to have him,_ Louis signed, letting his head rest against Harry’s broad chest. “Now, please tell me you’re both staying for lunch… I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet!”

“You bet we are,” Anne said, giving the boys a devilish grin across the table. “And we just might have made some reservations too!”

******

_Two Weeks Later_

“You sure you’re alright, Haz?” Liam asked, and signed slowly afterwards, concentrating hard as he always did when he was signing.

 **_I’m fine, Liam, stop fussing,_ ** Harry retorted, but Louis knew that was a lie. Harry had been in a weird mood for the whole day, despite Louis expecting that he would be excited about the date he’d planned with James that night. His phone had been pinging and flashing all day long with messages that Louis had tried hard to ignore. Now, Louis had helped him get ready, and for some reason, Harry was far less animated than usual. Louis had also been embarrassingly over the top in fake excitement, trying to gee Harry up, but it hadn’t worked. **_Thanks for the help, Lou. I’ll be back later, okay?_ **

Louis nodded and didn’t hesitate to pull Harry into a hug, feeling his best friend relax against him as he held him in his arms. It didn’t matter that Harry was the bigger one. He was always the one that needed comfort from Louis, and Louis was always happy to provide it. He kissed Harry’s smooth cheek quickly before he pulled away, smoothing down the front of his shirt again.

 _My boy’s all grown up,_ he signed, pretending to sniff and wipe away tears, and that finally drew a small smile out of Harry. He waved bye to Liam and Zayn who were sat on Harry’s bed, shoving his phone in his back pocket as he sloped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Louis exhaled loudly and collapsed back onto his own bed, his face on his hands.

“So what was that all about?” Liam asked, and Louis peeked out from between his fingers, just giving Liam a shrug in reply because honestly, he had no idea. “Lou?”

“Quit hassling me, Liam. I don’t fucking know, okay? Harry’s a bloody enigma lately. I don’t bloody care what’s up with him.”

Louis was fed up with his friends expecting him to have all the answers when it came to Harry. He wasn’t his boyfriend, and Harry was a fully grown adult man more than capable of having a conversation with them if things were troubling him. But if Louis was honest, it was more the fact that Louis _didn’t_ know what was going on that troubled him.

“That’s a fucking lie,” Zayn mumbled from across the room, Liam nodding quietly next to him. “You care more than any of us, if you’d just get your head out of your arse and admit it.”

“Fuck off.”

“I mean… what if tonight’s the night?” Liam pondered, and Louis’ head snapped up, wondering what Liam meant.

“What night?”

“You know… the night he sleeps with James. Maybe he’s been nervous about it or someth- ow, Louis, that fucking hurt!”

“Good, it was meant to!” Louis yelled, anger fuelling every part of him. “Don’t say stupid shit, Liam. He’d have talked to me about something like that. If you’re going to say ridiculous crap like that, you can just leave. Both of you.”

“Alright, Lou, chill out,” Zayn said, eyes wide as he stared at Louis following his outburst. Louis felt a little guilty, but now he couldn’t get the thought of James taking Harry to bed out of his mind, and it was making him feel sick. He knew Harry was a virgin, and it was too much for Louis to contemplate right now. “Look, we won’t talk about it anymore, okay? Chuck us your laptop, I’ll stick on that new playlist I made on Spotify the other day, I think you’ll like it.”

Louis nodded and passed Zayn his laptop, off in his own little world as Zayn let the music play, sounding a bit tinny from the laptop speakers. He left it going even after his friends had left, knowing he was awful company, and that he hadn’t tried to bother making conversation with them since Liam’s throwaway remark about Harry and James having sex that night.

It was gone midnight by now, and Harry still wasn’t home. The laptop had died about an hour ago, but Louis couldn’t be bothered to get up and find the power lead, even if he knew full well Harry would have wrapped it up and put it in their bottom drawer along with the other power leads and phone chargers they’d amassed. Louis just lay, blinking up at the dark ceiling, an eerie glow cast across the room from the full moon outside where he hadn’t bothered to get up and close the blind. 

He jumped a mile as their dorm door burst open and the light blared out from the ceiling, making Louis squint and sit up in a hurry. It was Harry, of course it was, and judging by the smile on his face, something had happened.

 _Are you alright? Made me fucking jump-_ he signed, trying to keep his expression neutral, not wanting Harry to know he’d been upset for the majority of the evening.

 **_Shit, sorry, did I wake you?_ ** He looked relieved when Louis shook his head, tugging the quilt over his lap as Harry paced back and forth, clearly wanting to divulge something. **_Oh god, Louis, tonight was… it was so good! I got there, yeah, and James had some flowers for me-_ ** Louis looked down then and noticed a pile of colourful flowers propped up by the door and resisted the urge to roll his eyes - **_and he held my hand as he took me into the restaurant. He’d learnt a couple more signs which was really nice, I mean, he fumbled a bit but I think he’ll learn quickly if I teach him. Anyway-_ **

_Harry, slow down, love, your hands are shaking,_ Louis said with a smile, and he chuckled as Harry ran over, plonking himself practically in Louis’ lap as he started signing again, fast and unapologetic.

**_So we had dinner, I had this chicken alfredo thing, you’d have loved it, Lou, and the breadsticks… my GOD, they were delicious. Anyway, I’m getting off track. So we went for a walk afterwards, and then…_ **

Louis just stared at Harry, almost dreading what his best friend was going to say next. His stomach was churning with what Louis knew to be nausea, and he prayed Harry couldn’t see any trace of it on his face.

**_He kissed me, Louis. He just stopped me in the middle of the path, and he faced me, put his hands on my hips then he kissed me._ **

Louis couldn’t bring himself to say anything. His gaze was fixed on the opposite wall, on the arty print Harry had blu-tacked there on the day they’d moved in, and he swallowed slowly. The thought of James’ lips on Harry’s was the stuff of Louis’ nightmares, and he couldn’t hold back. He stood up and walked over to the drawers, fishing around for his laptop charger in lieu of something to do.

**_Louis? Did you see what I said? He kissed me…_ **

_I saw. And what did you want me to say about it, exactly? Congratulations? Well done? Yeah, all of that, mate._

Louis knew he was being cruel, that Harry just wanted him to be excited for him but he couldn’t do it anymore. His heart was breaking inside of his chest, and he just wanted to scream at Harry, to tell him that he didn’t give a flying fuck what James did, that he shouldn’t be allowed to put his horrible hands or his lips anywhere near Harry or his body. But he couldn’t. So instead, Louis started to shut himself down, turning his back on Harry as he bent down to plug the charger into the socket. As he stood up, he turned and jumped when he saw Harry stood behind him, hands on his hips, an angry expression on his face.

**_Are you kidding me right now?_ **

_I… No?_ Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it. _Give it a rest, Harry._

**_Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?_ **

_You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor..._

He turned to walk away, thinking that maybe leaving would be the best option but Harry had other ideas. He grabbed Louis’ wrist, making him face him again, and the thunderous expression on Harry’s face made Louis feel nervous.

**_I told you because you’re my best mate, Lou. I thought you’d be happy that I was happy. But no, you can’t even do that, can you-_ **

_No, Harry, I can’t! You can’t even see what’s in front of your fucking face, can you?_

Louis could feel angry tears welling and he grabbed his phone, about to text Niall to tell him he was going to come over when Harry snatched it back, launching it back down on Louis’ bed. Louis was seeing red by now, and he balled his hands into fists at his sides.

**_Why can’t you just be happy for me, Louis? I finally found someone who likes me for me, for who I am, and you just-_ **

_BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE ME!_ Louis signed frantically, wishing he could shout the words at the top of his lungs. _Because I’m the one who’s been sitting here waiting for you to realise that I’m so bloody stupidly in love with you, and have been for years, Harry. Because I’m jealous, okay? Is that what you want to hear? That the thought of him touching you makes me sick?_

**_I don’t… Louis, I-_ **

_No, don’t bother. I’m clearly not good enough for you, and I’m definitely not what you want, so just… just let me go, okay?_

The anger was clear on Harry’s face by now, and both of them were signing much quicker, Louis almost getting sloppy in his haste to get his words out. It was as if they were having a screaming match, yelling back and forth at each other with their hands. 

**_No. No fucking way, Louis, you’re not running away, not now._ **

_Why not? There’s no point in me staying here, I don’t_ want _to be here right now-_

**_I actually don’t give a damn what you want. Why didn’t you tell me?_ **

Louis sighed in frustration, unable to believe Harry was asking such inane questions right now.

_Why would I? I thought you’d see it. But obviously not._

**_Hey, don’t do that. Don’t put this all back on me. You could’ve told me…_ **

_Are you joking? How exactly do you think I could’ve done that? Oh, by the way Harry, don’t date James, date me!_

**_Well, it would’ve been better than this-_ **

_No, it wouldn’t!_

**_Yes, it fucking would, Louis! Look at us now, look at this mess, this is RIDICULOUS! You can’t just-_ **

**_“_ ** _STOP YELLING AT ME!”_ Louis yelled and signed at the same time, losing control of his emotions completely. He glared at Harry, his taller best friend staring back at him, their eyes fixed only on each other. It only took a moment before the tension completely snapped and both men started laughing at the ridiculousness of what Louis had just said to Harry.

Louis looked down, unable to keep looking at Harry but all the anger was slowly dissipating, replaced with both nerves and horror that he’d finally divulged his feelings to Harry after all these years. Harry knew he loved him. It was out there, and there was no taking it back. As much as Louis wanted to run away, to get to Niall’s room and lock the door behind him, his feet felt glued to the floor, and he couldn’t move.

**_Come and sit down with me._ **

Harry reached out and took Louis’ hand in his own, leading him over to his own bed. They sat down on the edge of it, side by side, thighs almost touching with their closeness. It was all too much for Louis, and he felt the tears he’d been keeping inside for so long slide out and down his cheeks. 

The last thing Louis was expecting was for Harry to wrap his long arms around and pull him into a tight hug. Instead of resisting, Louis just went into it, letting himself be held by Harry, something so familiar it just felt right. He felt Harry’s thumb come up and press gently against his cheek, brushing away some of the falling tears but Louis couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed about it. He left his hands resting nervously in his lap, not even knowing where to begin to unravel this whole mess. He felt Harry’s head resting on top of his own, and he let his eyes close for a moment, trying to calm his mind.

After a few more minutes of hugging, Harry pulled away gently, pressing a kiss to the top of Louis’ head before he turned, facing Louis now. All of his anger and confidence from before had vanished, his shoulders were hunched and he looked unsure. Louis hated he’d made Harry feel this way.

**_How long?_ **

_How long what?_

**_How long have you been in love with me?_ **

Louis took a breath before he answered, knowing this really was it. They were going to talk about this, like it or not.

 _Forever? I mean, I think I’ve always loved you in some way, Harry. But if we’re talking_ in love _, then… since I knew what love was, I guess. Eleven or so? I just… I knew I felt differently about you than I felt about anybody else._

Harry was quiet then, as if he was considering each and every one of Louis’ words. It made Louis feel worse, like he’d said something wrong. He just stared resolutely down at his own thighs, wondering if he should say something more or just wait for Harry to say something. Anything. 

_I’m sorry I was an arsehole tonight. I just… you said he kissed you, and I saw red. It made me so angry to think of him being able to touch you in that way, to kiss you like I’ve always wanted to. I di- I didn’t want to hear anymore because it hurts, Harry._

All of a sudden, Harry pushed off the bed and stormed over to the bookshelf crowded up against the wall, eyes raking along the spines as if he was trying to find something. After a second, he pulled back with a small book in his hand, another almost angry look on his face.

**_You should have said something. Like, ages ago, Louis. Because for the past, oh, I don’t know, ten years or so, I’ve been desperately in love with you too._ **

Louis could only stare at Harry, dumbfounded by his confession.

_What? No, I’d have known-_

**_But you didn’t know, did you? You let me go off on dates with James, like you were happy for me. You acted like you didn’t care I’d found a boyfriend._ **

_No, Harry, I-_

All of a sudden, the small book collided with Louis’ chest as Harry threw it at him, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation before he signed angrily again.

**_I’ve been reading you love poems since I was eight years old, Louis. I thought maybe one of them might make you realise that it was me thinking those things. But no, you’re too pig-headed to even consider it._ **

_Pig headed? Who the fuck are you calling pig-headed? You’re the one who went out and picked up a fucking boyfr-_

His last words were washed away as Harry marched over, grabbed Louis’ face in his hands and smashed their lips together. Louis felt too stunned to respond for a moment, but when he did, he quickly lost himself in the fact he was kissing Harry. Harry was kissing him. It was everything he’d ever dreamed of, and at the same time, nowhere near enough. Just as he ran his tongue along Harry’s bottom lip, Harry pulled away, his big hands still cupping Louis’ cheeks as he stared into his eyes. He could see the bob of Harry’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed before his hands fell between their chests. Louis looked down, following every sign.

**_I’m crazy about you, Louis. Always have been, and I’m pretty sure I always will be._ **

_Then fucking kiss me again._

Harry did, the kiss much more controlled this time. Louis once again ran his tongue across Harry’s lower lip, and Harry took the hint, letting them fall apart as Louis licked inside, tasting Harry fully for the first time. He couldn’t hold back a moan as Harry brushed his tongue across Louis’, and his hands found the curve of Harry’s waist, settling on top of the shirt he’d picked out for him earlier that night. Harry’s hand were exploring Louis’ neck, one at the back, the other working its way down Louis’ shoulder, tickling the soft skin exposed by the baggy neckline of his jumper.

“Fuck,” Louis moaned as Harry’s lips started to move away from his own, down Louis’ jaw and onto his neck where he started sucking at the skin gently, intending to leave marks. Louis couldn’t bring himself to care about what he’d look like tomorrow. All that mattered was now, and the fact this was Harry doing this to him. It was when Harry’s big hands travelled further and slid up inside Louis’ jumper that he started to hesitate, all too aware of what was happening, that he was getting aroused in his own jeans, and he was suddenly afraid to show Harry that.

 _Harry, stop-_ he signed, gently moving himself out of the way of Harry’s lips. His breath was stolen from him again when he looked at the state of Harry. His cheeks were bright red, his lips swollen and puffy just from the few kisses they’d shared, and Louis loved it. He loved seeing Harry in this way, so affected, but still, part of him felt like he had to hold back. _Harry, I-_

 **_Why did you stop? I don’t want to stop,_ ** Harry signed, his eyes dark and almost wild as they stared at Louis. **_Louis, please…_ **

_I just… I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you, baby. We’ve just admitted our feelings, and now we’re… doing, well, this-_ he wafted his hand around between them and their bodies, biting on his lower lip before he began signing again, a little slower this time. _I just want it to be perfect._

 **_Louis…_ ** Harry cupped Louis’ cheek for a moment before withdrawing it so he could sign again, considering his words before he signed them. **_I’ve been following you around like a little puppy since I was four years old. You were the first kid to ever be nice to me, and since then, I’ve never wanted to leave your side. That friendship and affection I felt soon turned to more, but I was sure you’d never feel the same way about me. I never got any vibes from you that you did. But please… stop thinking that I can’t look after myself. I can. I’m a grown man, Louis, and I know what I want._ **

_What do you want?_ Louis signed, needing to hear it for himself, so to speak.

**_You. Louis, I want you, I want us. Stop thinking you have to protect me, please. I can protect myself, and my heart. But right now, I’m giving it to you, and for the love of God, I want you to take it. You definitely don’t need to protect me from you. You’re my safe place, Louis. You’re the safest person in the whole world to me. Please let me choose you. Please._ **

Louis just about managed to nod before Harry was stepping over and planting his hands on Louis’ hips again as he tugged him into a passionate kiss. Now he’d heard what Harry truly wanted, Louis didn’t hold back. He had one hand up on the back of Harry’s head, holding him place while his tongue dove into Harry’s mouth, his other hand on the firm planes of Harry’s chest. They just kissed and kissed like they had nothing else in the world they’d rather do, and Louis truly didn't. He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want this to end.

It all shifted, though, when Harry took another step closer, lining their bodies up from head to toe. Louis stuttered in his kissing for a moment as he felt Harry’s obvious arousal nudge against his hip, and he let out a low moan as Harry’s thigh pressed into his own, sending shoots of pleasure down his spine. It was soon clear Harry knew exactly what he was doing as Louis felt his big hands slide from his hips round to his bum, squeezing his cheeks gently.

There was nothing about this that felt wrong. As much as Louis wished he could whisper into Harry’s ear everything he wanted to do to him, and everything he wanted Harry to do to him, there was something illicit about the way they couldn’t communicate with their hands on each others bodies. Much to Louis’ surprise, it was Harry who made the first move, tucking the tips of his fingers in the back of the waistband of Louis’ joggers, resting them there as he pulled back, gently biting on Louis’ lower lip for a moment as his eyes searched Louis’ face for the okay.

Louis just nodded and swallowed quickly, holding his breath as Harry slid his hands further inside, practically burning when they cupped each of Louis’ ass cheeks, squeezing firmly.

“Fuck,” Louis muttered, well aware Harry would be able to read that word on his lips. In a fit of bravery, he let his own hand travel down from Harry’s chest to the button of his jeans, slowly flicking it open and dragging the zipper down. Harry was leaning in for a kiss again now, and Louis had never felt so nervous in his life. He’d done a few things with a few boys at parties, but nothing had ever felt like this. He’d certainly never wanted his hands on anyone like he wanted them on Harry. “Touch me, Harry.”

Harry’s brow furrowed as he struggled to read Louis’ lips in his hazy state, and Louis quickly brought his hands up between them, repeating the words with both his voice and his hands. Harry just nodded and started to push Louis’ joggers down, sliding them past the curve of his bum, and from there, they slid easily down, pooling at his ankles until Louis stepped out of them. Harry watched with dark eyes as Louis kicked them away, too aware that his boxers weren’t doing much to disguise his erection now, the fabric already getting damp where he was leaking.

 **_Take your shirt off, Lou,_ ** Harry instructed, and Louis could do nothing but comply. He reached up behind his head and in one swift motion, yanked it off, throwing it somewhere across the room. He felt bare and exposed, and although he’d been around Harry in various states of undress since he was about six years old when they used to play in a paddling pool together in the garden, this felt so different. It was different from when they’d got changed from P.E. as teenagers at school, it was different to when they stripped into pyjamas at bedtime in one another’s bedrooms, Anne and Jay often losing track of whose house they were staying at on any given night.

 _Your turn,_ Louis signed, and reached down to palm himself as Harry started removing his clothes, slowly as if he was trying to tease Louis, to work him up. He pressed the heel of his hand down hard as Harry shoved his tight jeans down his long legs, flustered himself by now, but Louis couldn’t tear his eyes away. _You’re so bloody gorgeous, Harry._

**_Then touch me. I want your hands on me, Lou._ **

_Get on the bed,_ Louis signed, trying not to show how his hands were shaking with the anticipation of what might happen. Harry laid himself out on Louis’ bed, on top of the covers, eyes fixed on Louis as he walked over, still holding himself. It was Harry who reached out and tugged Louis’ hand away, brushing his fingertips over Louis’ cock first. Louis hissed at that, but nodded, telling Harry wordlessly to keep going.

Harry did, but Louis allowed himself to kneel on the bed next to Harry, watching as Harry laid his hand out flat on top of Louis’ cock, rolling it back and forth gently. It felt like Louis’ whole body was on fire, and he never wanted Harry to stop. Within seconds, they were both laid down opposite each other, panting as Louis rocked his hips forward, Harry becoming more bold with the movement of his hand before he stopped abruptly, looking at Louis again.

**_Can I… can I take your boxers off? I want to see you._ **

Louis nodded slowly, feeling like this was the pivotal moment. There’d be no going back from this, not that he ever wanted to. He stayed as still as he could as Harry gripped the waistband of his underwear, pulling them down and exposing Louis’ cock. He heard the small gasp Harry made as he saw it, but he wasn’t prepared for how it felt when Harry ran his fingertip from the base to the tip ever so slowly.

_Please-_

In lieu of replying, Harry just nodded and quickly pushed his own underwear down as well. Louis didn’t bother to hide the fact he was openly staring at Harry’s body, at the part of him he’d seen countless times before coming in and out of the shower, getting dressed, but like this felt totally different. Harry was hard and leaking for _him_ , and Louis more than anything wanted to taste Harry, to put his mouth on him. First, though, Louis wanted to kiss Harry. He started to lower himself down on top of Harry’s body, very aware of the fact they were both naked and both men moaned when their cocks touched, Harry’s eyes fluttering shut beautifully. 

“Shit, you’re amazing,” Louis muttered aloud, still kissing Harry, his words being swallowed up in the silence of the room. He started to rock his hips back and forth slightly, enjoying the element of control he had when he suddenly stilled as Harry’s hands came round, gripping his cheeks roughly, digging into the muscle. Louis’ eyes flitted down to Harry’s, unsurprised to see how dark and blown they were, panting into each other’s mouths.

As they lay there, Louis allowed Harry’s hands to roam all over his body as Louis held himself up, his arms straining, letting Harry’s hands guide his motions. Louis felt like he was tingling, on fire from how their naked skin was touching, in the cage of Harry’s strong arms, unable to escape, not that he wanted to. There was something about how he could make as much noise as he wanted as well that Louis found quite hot, and he didn’t hold back, moaning with each brush of Harry’s cock against his own.

He pushed up on his elbows slightly, staring down at Harry for a moment as he licked his lips obviously, hoping Harry would know what he wanted. There was a faint blush on Harry’s cheeks now, and a smirk developed just as Harry started to let his fingers disappear where Louis wanted them most of all. Louis let out a moan, almost going boneless with how much he wanted it, and took in a few deeper shaky breaths as Harry pushed his fingers down between Louis’ cheeks, brushing over his hole for a moment. Louis again let out what he knew was an obscene sounding whine, almost desperate to feel what it would be like to have Harry push his finger inside him, something he’d thought about one too many times when he was getting himself off.

But as soon as the sensation started, it had disappeared again, and Harry’s other hand was pushing on Louis’ shoulder, nudging him down to the place they both wanted Louis’ mouth to be. Louis wanted nothing more and he sat back up on his haunches, reaching out and finally taking Harry’s dick in his hand, loving how it felt thick and warm under his touch. He dragged his hand up and down slowly, watching as Harry bit down hard on his bottom lip, his eyes fixated on where Louis’ hand was wrapped around him. Louis quickly removed his hand, needing to sign and get Harry’s permission for what he wanted first.

_I want to taste you, Harry. Can I do that?_

**_Yes, please yes-_ **

Louis smiled gently at Harry and took his length in hand again, stroking a little harder this time as Harry started moaning, barely low enough for Louis to hear, but still, it was more than Louis had heard from him in so long, and it was that that spurred him on. He shuffled backwards on his knees a little and lowered himself slowly, feeling a little nervous. It wasn’t that he hadn’t done this before, because he had, albeit an awkward, fumbling few blowjobs with boys he’d rather forget but this? This meant everything, and Louis wanted to make it perfect for Harry.

Louis tentatively poked his tongue out, licking just over the shiny head of Harry’s cock, lapping up a pearl of precome that beaded from the slit. It was slightly bitter but at the same time so Harry, and Louis swallowed it down eagerly before running his tongue right around the tip, but it was what it prompted from Harry that left Louis shocked. Instead of silence, or Harry just quietly fisting the sheets, he let out a long, low moan, a beautiful deep voice that set butterflies off in Louis’ tummy.

Without hesitation, he leaned in and suckled on the head, putting it between his lips. He sucked gently at first, keeping just the tip in his warm mouth, letting his tongue work back and forth across Harry, a hand flying down to grip on his shoulder, making Louis smile to himself slightly. His small hand was working over the base of Harry’s cock, and he could feel Harry trying to still his hips, to stop him thrusting into Louis’ mouth. Louis let his free hand scrabble to take Harry’s, squeezing gently a moment of love in the haze of passion engulfing them both.

Louis decided to just go for it at that point. He sucked more of Harry into his mouth, as much as would fit comfortably, and he slowly started to bob his head up and down, feeling Harry leak precome against his tongue as he did so. It was almost overwhelming, finally being like this with Harry… his face buried between Harry’s legs, smelling Harry so viscerally, tasting him, feeling him react with pleasure to everything Louis was giving him. It was a lot but at the same time, everything Louis had ever wanted.

Harry moaned again as Louis pushed his head down far enough to nudge the head of Harry’s cock against the back of his throat for a brief moment, almost making him gag. The hand that wasn’t holding Louis’ came down and rested atop Louis’ head, and he could sense Harry was close. His mouth was flooded with the taste of Harry, and Louis wanted more. He wanted him to finish in his mouth, to feel himself give Harry the ultimate release. He sucked harder, aware his cheekbones popped when he did this, and he could sense Harry’s eyes boring into the top of his head. 

All of a sudden, Harry’s cock felt harder than it had before, and Louis sucked relentlessly, moaning and frantically swallowing as Harry came hard, filling his mouth with bitter, salty come but Louis loved it all. He could feel all of the muscles in Harry’s body tremble with his orgasm, his thighs going taut either side of Louis’ head, and it was reluctance that he finally popped off, licking his lips as he looked up at Harry, at how he’d made him fall apart.

Instead of the usual speaking Louis would usually share in after being intimate with a man, there was silence. Harry was flopped back against his pillow now, entirely naked and on display for Louis, an arm flung across his eyes. Louis admired the sight for a moment, at Harry’s now soft cock before he came and laid down next to Harry, letting himself be pulled into Harry’s side, his head on Harry’s chest as Harry’s hands came up to sign.

**_I… Louis, that was amazing._ **

_It was pretty good, wasn’t it?_ Louis signed back, unable to stop the broad smile on his face now. Harry turned to look at him, and Louis could feel the love in his gaze, in how much Harry enjoyed had enjoyed the intimacy between them. 

**_Let me help you?_ **

Louis just swallowed and nodded, suddenly feeling nervous about the prospect, even though he was by now desperate for some sort of release. He gasped as Harry took his cock in his hand, fingers encircling him easily as he started to drag his hand up and down, eyes staring intently into Louis’ as they breathed heavily together, bodies pressed tightly on the bed. Having Harry get him off was the literal things of Louis’ dreams, and he felt like his body was in overload, overwhelmed with the sensations Harry was giving him.

“Fuck-” he muttered as Harry brushed the pad of his thumb over the head of Louis’ cock, swiping up the precome. Louis moaned as Harry switched hands quickly, bringing his thumb to his mouth, sucking it down. “Harry-”

Harry gently pushed on his shoulder, forcing Louis onto his back on the bed as he hovered over him, his left hand working over him at a steady pace, but Louis knew he was close. He could feel the familiar tightening in his belly, and when Harry kissed him passionately, his tongue diving deeply into Louis’ mouth, both men tasting each other. Louis realised Harry would still be able to taste himself on Louis’ tongue, and he moaned again, Harry’s hand gripping a little tighter for a moment, giving Louis another surge of pleasure.

Harry mouthed slowly at Louis, instructing him to come and that was Louis’ undoing. He came with a cry, shouting Harry’s name as he spilled between them, covering Harry’s fingers and his own stomach, not caring about the mess. He shut his eyes and tried to catch his breath, whimpering when Harry didn’t release his cock, almost oversensitive. When finally Harry realised, he kissed Louis again and laid down next to him, licking his fingers clean. Louis shivered slightly then, and Harry reached down, pulling the blanket over their bodies. They kissed slowly for a moment, Harry’s hand sliding around the back of Louis’ head, holding him in place. Louis felt cherished, desired even, and he let Harry just hold him, safe and warm in his embrace.

_You’re amazing, baby._

**_So are you, my love._ **

Louis made the sign they always did between them when they fell asleep together, a goodnight of their own, and somehow, it felt right to still share that after what they’d done. Louis didn’t know what might happen tomorrow, when they got to talk it through and find out exactly what they both wanted, but in that second, it didn’t matter. He had Harry, and Harry had him. That was all he needed.

****

Louis awoke to soft fingers trailing up and down his bare side at the curve of his waist. He smiled to himself, his eyes still closed as he felt Harry shuffle closer to him, his erection resting against Louis’ bare ass but despite that, there was nothing more to it than a tender moment between the pair. After a moment, Louis opened his eyes and rolled over, looking up into Harry’s beautiful green eyes that were shining in the morning sun filtering in through the window.

He’d woken up to Harry’s face countless time in his life, had stared into those green eyes, had seen his hair sticking up all over the place, had watched him shuffle off to the bathroom in just his pair, scratching at his tummy. But nothing compared to how it felt to wake up together that morning, the weight of the night before still hanging heavily over them both. 

**_Good morning,_ ** Harry signed, leaning in to kiss Harry’s cheek for a moment. **_Did you sleep well?_ **

_So well, even better waking up with you,_ Louis replied as Harry placed his leg across Louis’, gently pinning him in bed. _You… you still feel okay about what happened last night?_

Instead of signing a reply as Louis had hoped, Harry pulled away from him and drew his knees up against his chest, almost nervous looking. Louis’ own heart was racing now, and he had a sick feeling in his stomach, dreading Harry telling him that it was all a mistake. He had to force himself to watch as Harry fiddled with his fingers, obviously working out what to say. Before Harry could break his heart, Louis jumped out of bed and grabbed his boxers, deciding to give himself a minute.

_I’m going to the loo. I’ll be back._

Without a backwards glance at Harry, Louis rammed his feet in his trainers and darted out of their room and up the corridor, head down as he marched towards the bathroom, shoving the door open, anger surging through him now. He used the toilet, washed his hands and stepped back out into the corridor, walking slowly to what he felt was inevitable heartbreak. He steeled himself and walked back into the room, seeing Harry still naked on his bed but on his stomach this time, texting on his phone. Louis just watched him, his pert little ass too enticing but Louis just walked closer, feeling bad for creeping on his best friend but he had to know. The name he saw at the top of Harry’s screen just fuelled his bad thoughts. Harry must have sensed him there as he flipped over, eyes wide as Louis glared at him, trying to process everything.

_James? Really, Harry? After everything we shared last night, you-_

Harry grabbed his hands for a moment, the only way he knew how to stop Louis signing, and his green eyes grew glassy for a moment, almost pleading with Louis to listen. Louis sighed and nodded, letting Harry take his hands, but he folded his arms over his chest, almost trying to protect himself from the barrage of words that were inevitably going to hurt him.

**_Yes, I was texting James. But Lou, it’s not what you think, I promise._ **

_And what was I thinking, Harry?_

**_That I was texting James for a hook up or something. To make another date. But I wasn’t._ **

Without signing another word, Harry handed over his phone. Louis popped in the pincode he’d known for years now, just as Harry knew his, and the screen was filled with the message thread. Louis felt a little nervous reading it but he did, trying to bite back a smile as he read the messages Harry had sent to James that morning, not having had a reply yet. 

_You told him you can’t see him anymore?_

**_Louis, did you really doubt me? I meant it last night when I said I’ve been crazy about you for pretty much all of my life. What happened last night, it’s pretty much all of my wildest dreams come true._ **

They were both grinning wildly now, and Louis got up, putting Harry’s phone on their bedside table before he sat down next to him, taking Harry’s hand and kissing the back of it for a brief second.

_So you don’t regret it?_

**_Never. I can’t believe you sucked me off, if I’m honest._ **

_Well, that’s a sign I’ve never seen you use before-_ Louis signed before the two of them exploded into laughter. When he got himself together, he reached up, cupping Harry’s cheek gently, stroking along his cheekbone as Harry practically nuzzled into the touch, kissing Louis’ hand. _You, uh, you liked it?_

 ** _You were amazing,_** Harry signed with a smirk. **_I mean… that was my first… yeah. But you were amazing, Lou._**

Louis let out a nervous laugh then, unsurprised to find out it was Harry’s first blow job as he knew he was a virgin, but still, it felt like a lot to process. Harry started to lay down again and he tugged Louis with him, kissing him softly before Louis decided to be brave and tell Harry something he remembered from last night, something he desperately wanted Harry to know.

_You sounded beautiful, you know. When I was… when I was making you feel good, Haz, you sounded amazing. It was lovely to hear how good I made you feel._

**_Wait- I made noises? Oh shit-_ **

Louis could see Harry’s face collapse at that, turning from happy and relaxed to stressed and nervous in the blink of an eye, and Louis hated it. He wished that Harry didn’t dread how he sounded, that Louis had told him enough the few times he’d heard sounds from Harry that he had a stunning voice, one that Louis wished he could hear more, but Harry could never believe him.

_Harry, no, don’t do that. Why don’t you believe me when I say how wonderful you sound, baby? Trust me… I loved it, I loved hearing you. Please trust me when I tell you how beautiful your voice is._

**_I just… I hate not knowing, Lou. I do trust you, I do. It’s just hard, that’s all. I don’t want you to hate anything about me._ **

_I couldn’t. Never, Harry._

Harry’s fingers were trailing up and down Louis’ bare chest as he signed, sending shivers all over Louis’ body.

_There isn’t a bit of you that couldn’t ever be beautiful to me._

**_So… are we really doing this then?_ **

_Us?_ Louis hoped Harry couldn’t see how his hands were shaking as he signed that, but the way Harry leaned over and kissed his lips gently told him otherwise.

**_Yes, Lou. Us. You and me. Together._ **

_And we’re… uh…_

**_Boyfriends?_ ** Harry signed, his eyes nervous as they looked at Louis’, a slight blush painting his cheeks now. It was a sign Louis had always hoped to use in relation to himself and Harry, so confirming it felt like everything was finally slotting into place for the pair of them. 

_Boyfriends,_ Louis agreed with a small smile, kissing Harry again quickly. It turned passionate quickly, hands in hair, Harry almost rolling on top of Louis for a minute before he pulled away, biting Louis’ bottom lip gently before he sat up to sign again.

**_But Lou… I want us to be boyfriends, I do. More than anything. But you’re still my best friend, okay? Above everything else, we’re best friends. You’re the one who’s always been there for me, who’s always cared for me when no one else but my family did. I don’t want to lose that part of us, Louis._ **

_You never could,_ Louis promised, meaning every word. _What we have now… it’s just a bonus. I know I’ve always wanted this, but if I never had got it, I’d have still been happy because I had you in my life. You’re my best friend_ and _my boyfriend, and I think that’s pretty special._

 ** _It really is,_** Harry agreed. **_Now, I think we should make the most of being brand new boyfriends, and do some kissing. What do you think?_**

Louis didn’t bother to sign his reply. He just grabbed Harry’s face in his hands and pulled him close, Harry’s bare chest pressed to his now as they kissed hungrily for a moment. It felt like heaven, having Harry so close, his tongue in Louis’ mouth, kissing him and holding him like he never wanted to let Louis go ever again. Louis never wanted to be anywhere else. This, right here, was where he belonged.

He’d only just fallen asleep, content and happy in Harry’s arms when their little bubble of intimacy came crashing down as their door flew open, banging against the wall with a loud thud.

“Holy fuck-”

“MY EYES!”

Harry hadn’t noticed the boys yet, still cuddled up to Louis who was now glaring at the three of them, Niall with his hand clapped over his eyes, Zayn smirking down at them and Liam looking awkward, unsure where to look.

“If you three would like to fuck off, I’d really appreciate it,” Louis said lowly, sensing Harry stirring behind him. He peered back over his shoulder to see Harry’s eyes widen before he pulled the sheet further up over them, cheeks red and utterly gorgeous. “Seriously. Get out.”

“Shit, sorry, of course-” Liam stuttered out, fumbling for the door and trying to shove the other boys out of it with him. Zayn went easily, but Niall kept peeking between his fingers, still gaping at the two naked boys curled up around each other in bed. “We’re really sorry-”

“About fucking time too!” 

Even Louis had to agree with Niall’s bellowed words, but still lobbed a pillow at his Irish friend, finally forcing them out of the door and leaving Louis and Harry alone once more.

**_Holy shit, Lou… guess the cat’s out of the bag now!_ **

**2 months later**

“Seriously. Get out of here, both of you,” Niall said with a roll of his eyes, signing his words as he spoke. Louis, Zayn and Liam all laughed, but Harry just shrugged, unabashed at how much he and Louis enjoyed touching each other now they’d finally got together. Louis just turned his head and kissed Harry’s lips once more, laughing slightly at the resulting groan from Niall.

“Alright, we’ll leave. But don’t bother us for the rest of the night,” Louis responded, waggling his eyebrows while Niall pretended to retch over the side of the sofa he was sat on in the coffee shop. _Come on, love. Let’s leave these bores to it and have some fun of our own._

Harry bit his bottom lip and nodded, slipping on his coat before he held out Louis’ for him, helping his boyfriend into it, sealing the deal with another kiss. They called goodbyes to their other friends, leaving them to it as they held hands, weaving their way down the street. It was busy now, early in December, but it was a favourite time of year for them both. The fact they were already meant to spending the festive season together now felt even more special, and neither man could wait to wake up in each other’s arms on Christmas morning. It sounded idyllic, and already, Louis couldn’t wait.

It was quiet between the pair as they walked, unable to sign with their hands tangled with the other man’s, but Louis didn’t mind. He sent small smiles to people who sent one their way, proud to have Harry on his arm, openly claiming him to anyone who looked their way. It was cold, but Harry kept pulling Louis into his body every time they stopped to cross a road, kissing his temple or whatever part of Louis he could reach as he did so.

After a good twenty minutes of brisk walking, they arrived back at the dorm, Louis fumbling in his pocket for their keycard to gain entry. They kept their heads down as they hurried up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the lift, too keen to be alone. Louis dragged Harry down the hall, finally getting their dorm room door open, and he pushed Harry inside, making sure to lock the door behind them. It was something they both double-checked before they got intimate with each other since the first time the boys had barged in before. None of them were keen to have a repeat.

 ** _Couldn’t keep my hands off you in there,_** Harry signed, already starting to undress himself. Coats, scarves and jumpers went flying onto the floor, Louis trying to catch up as he yanked his t-shirt over his head, shivering slightly in the cool air of the room. Just seconds later, although it felt longer to Louis, they were both in just their boxers, eyeing each other from across the room. Harry’s hand was already working over his cock on top of his boxers, and Louis’ mouth was practically watering with the sight.

 _I want to try something_ , Louis signed slowly, feeling a little nervous. There was something that had been going through his mind lately, but he hadn’t yet managed to find the courage to tell Harry what it was he wanted. It wasn’t that he felt Harry would say no, or make him feel any kind of way about it, it was more Louis’ own insecurities about verbalising his desires. They’d slept together for the first time around a week after officially becoming a couple, and it had been the most magical night of Louis’ life. He and Harry had given themselves to each other, taking each others virginities in a night of slow love-making, Louis feeling things he’d never felt before as Harry had moved inside him, loving him in the best way. Now, they both felt they were getting more confident with sex, and Louis had decided that today was the day. 

**_Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you about as well,_ ** Harry signed, taking a step closer. The air in the room felt almost electric, and Louis licked his lips, reaching out and touching Harry’s hip briefly. **_But… tell me what you want first. Please?_ **

Louis nodded and pushed up onto his tiptoes, kissing Harry’s cheek, his lips, his jawline before he fell back down to his feet, signing between their bodies as he whispered the words into Harry’s ear, despite knowing he couldn’t hear a single word.

_I really want to ride you._

He could feel as Harry took an intake of breath, the way his chest rose against Louis’, how he released the breath in a slow, shaky movement. Louis pulled away enough to lock eyes with his boyfriend, taking note of the slow nod of Harry’s head, feeling his fingers scrabble to tangle with Louis’. It was intimate, it was hot and Louis was getting more riled by every second of this proximity to Harry.

**_Yeah. Yeah, I want that so much. Think you’ll look so fucking beautiful riding me, Lou. But…_ **

_But what?_

Harry swallowed slowly again before he answered.

**_Just… will you get on your hands and knees, Lou?_ **

_What are you going to do to me?_

**_Gonna use my mouth, baby. Hands and knees, please?_ **

Louis decided to just comply, trusting that whatever Harry was going to do, he would love. He kept his boxers on as he arranged himself on Harry’s bed on top of the duvet, grateful for the soft surface under his knees and palms. He felt the bed dip slightly as Harry crawled onto the bed behind him, settling between his spread legs. Louis could feel his heart rate raising as Harry got closer, leaning over his body to press a kiss to the centre of Louis’ spine for a moment. There was something about how they couldn’t communicate like this that made everything that much more exciting for Louis, and he held his breath, waiting for whatever it was Harry was going to do.

His arms started to shake as he felt Harry hook his fingers in his boxers, gently tugging them down until they were around his knees. Harry gently tapped each leg, getting Louis to lift it before he finally slid the underwear from Louis’ body, leaving him bare. Louis flushed, feeling more exposed than ever before but he stared resolutely down at the bed, waiting with bated breath for something more. When it came, Louis almost screamed.

“Fuck-Harry!”

He knew Harry couldn’t hear as he yelled out his name when Harry leaned in, pressing a kiss to his hole. They hadn’t done this before, Harry had only ever used his fingers on Louis but right now, Louis never wanted him to stop. It felt wet and warm and just absolutely everything. Harry’s hands were on his cheeks, holding him apart, but Louis couldn’t stop himself rocking back into it, chasing the sensation over and over as Harry laid kisses over the skin of his ass, everywhere except where Louis really wanted it.

It was slow and teasing, and Louis knew it was purposeful. Harry was intending every single thing that he was doing, and when finally, Harry’s tongue flicked over his most sensitive place, Louis let go entirely, collapsing onto his elbows as he cried out hoarsely, almost unable to take how this was making him feel. He’d watched videos as a horny teenager, knew about rimming but having it done to him was beyond any of Louis’ expectations.

He knew his noises were obscene right now, and he moaned once more as Harry’s hand came around his right hip, trailing gently and slowly across Louis’ stomach, all the way up to his chest. He felt breathless as Harry let his fingertips graze across Louis’ collarbone, eventually coming to rest at the bottom of Louis’ throat. He curled his hands into fists, having an inkling now where Harry was going with it and decided to take over, needing Harry to know he was completely okay with what he wanted, that this was what he wanted too.

Louis balanced himself on one forearm and reached down underneath his chest, taking Harry’s wrist in his own small hand, wrapping his fingers around Harry’s delicate wrist, guiding it up to his neck. He held it there as Harry laid his fingers around Louis’ throat, and he licked against him once more. Louis released a pleasured moan, certain Harry would be able to feel the vibration of his noises against the palm of his hand. It was clear he could as he felt Harry still his tongue for a moment before he kissed Louis gently, then he dove back in, eager and enthusiastic as he ate Louis out like it was the only thing he ever wanted to do again.

Harry’s hand remained steadfast around Louis’ throat as he opened him up on his tongue, sliding a finger inside when Louis was relaxed, making him groan again, unabashed now he know how much Harry was getting off on him being vocal like this, just for the two of them. When Harry was two fingers deep, Louis had had enough, and he bent down, bringing Harry’s palm to his lips and kissing it before he wriggled away, turning onto his back and staring up at Harry for a moment who was by now rutting against the bed, chasing some sort of touch for his neglected cock.

_Lay down for me, love. My turn to make you feel good now._

As Harry laid himself out on the bed, Louis rolled out of the way, fumbling in the bedside drawer for a moment, hand emerging a second later with the condom he’d been looking for. He turned back to see Harry stroking himself, lips swollen and red from what he’d been doing, and Louis had never wanted to kiss him more. He ripped open the condom wrapped with shaky fingers and rolled it down Harry’s length, enjoying how Harry’s hips bucked up just from feeling his fingers against him.

 **_You just… I can’t believe I get to see you like this,_ ** Harry signed as Louis straddled Harry’s hips, sitting atop him for a moment, the pair just staring at each other. Louis’ hands were resting on Harry’s chest as he followed the movement of his hands, feeling closer to Harry than he’d ever felt before. **_Louis…_ **

Louis didn’t want to stop touching Harry so he just arched an eyebrow at him, eager to get on with it and ride Harry’s beautiful cock, but at the same time, he didn’t want to rush a thing about this moment.

**_I loved that. Feeling your throat, I mean, the way I could feel how it vibrated when you moaned. It felt like my own way of hearing you and… it meant the world to me that you let me do that._ **

Louis sat up for a moment, taking in Harry’s words.

**_I like knowing how good I made you feel. It’s hard sometimes, not being able to hear you, but that made me feel so connected to you. I just… you’re so special to me, Louis._ **

_I loved it too. I loved how your hand felt around me, and I loved that you knew how good I was feeling because of you. So you can…_ He paused, suddenly feeling a little shy. _You can do it again. I liked it, I promise._

With that, Louis raised himself up on his calves and reached behind him, taking Harry’s erection in his hand, pushing it into place between his cheeks. He locked eyes with Harry as he ran the head around his entrance, feeling himself become needy, his body aching with a need to be filled with Harry like never before. Harry reached up, grabbing Louis’ hips as he guided him down. Louis hissed as Harry nudged his hips up, pushing his cock inside and he slid down until he was fully sat atop Harry’s hips, his cock buried deep in his body.

“Shit-” Louis mumbled, feeling the stretch and burn of Harry’s hard on inside himself, splitting him open in the best way possible. Slowly, he began to move his hips in the smallest circles, trying to get used to the stretch of his body around Harry’s length. He could feel Harry’s fingertips digging into his soft skin, probably leaving light bruises that Louis would find later on when they shared a shower or climbed into bed together that night. It was almost overwhelming.

All of a sudden, Harry’s hands were gone and Harry signed in front of his chest as Louis rocked his hips back and forth, grinding his body down on top of Harry’s.

**_Just let me…_ **

Louis felt the pair of them move on the bed slightly as Harry moved his legs up, bracketing Louis’ body with his knees, feet planted on the bed now. Louis bore his weight fully on his knees, resisting the urge to touch his cock as it bobbed in front of him, leaving a trail of precome across Harry’s lower belly. He gasped as Harry’s hand came up to his throat again, holding it gently as he started to fuck up into Louis, enough to make Louis feel every inch as it pounded inside of him.

“Oh my- fuck, Harry, I- shit-”

As he spoke and moaned obscenely, well aware of Harry feeling every vibration in his throat as Harry’s cock thrust further up inside him with each flick of Harry’s powerful hips, his thigh muscles doing all the work either side of him. He forced his eyes open, looking down at Harry as their bodies worked together, Louis just staying as he could, focussing on every sensation.

Just as he was losing his mind, feeling sensitive in every part of him, especially between his legs where Harry’s cock was almost splitting him in two now, he felt Harry’s fingers grip slightly harder around his throat, restricting Louis’ breath a little. Harry’s eyes were like lasers, pinned onto his own, reading every signal Louis was sending him, and he dropped his jaw open, moaning again, feeling close to coming now. It was the best sex they’d ever had by a long way, and the way Harry was taking the lead with this was everything he ever wanted.

Outside of the bedroom, Louis was loud, he was sassy and he was cheeky, dragging Harry around, draping himself over his boyfriend, proud to outwardly claim Harry as his. But in the bedroom, Louis let his true side come out more, trusting Harry implicitly to take care of him. He loved having Harry inside his body, gripping onto his hips as he drove his cock into him over and over, driving Louis to levels of ecstasy he had never felt before in his life. Now, though, on top of Harry, his thighs splayed either side of Harry’s body, Louis felt wanton and desired, and he whimpered in the back of his throat, wishing he could sign in to Harry exactly how he was making him feel.

“Come for me-” Harry mouthed to Louis, his hands too occupied with holding Louis in place to be able to sign. He could feel Harry’s fingers fluttering around his throat every now and then, tightening and loosening as he drove the pair of them to their joint orgasms. Louis just let out little moans of pleasure with each thrust, the bubble in his lower belly getting stronger and stronger each time the tip of Harry’s cock brushed across his prostate. 

“Harry-” Louis started to utter against Harry’s palm, his thigh muscles burning now as he held himself up. “Harry, Harry, Harry-”

As he started to come, splattering wet and warm against Harry’s firm lower stomach, Louis almost screamed, his body feeling electrified from head to toe. It was almost painful as his cock spurted come until the feeling of his orgasm started to subside, his body sore in all of the best ways.

**_Can I… can I keep going? Want to come inside you-_ **

Louis nodded desperately, willing to put up with the slight pain and ache of still having Harry inside him after his orgasm because he knew what was going to come would be worth it. He knew Harry was close, harder than he’d been in a while, and he forced himself to sit up straight, starting to roll his hips again, wanting to make it as good for Harry as it’d been for him. He rode Harry to oblivion, like it was the only thing he ever wanted to do again, and Louis just went for it, enthusiastic and almost sloppy, but he knew Harry didn’t mind. Harry let out a moan as he came, filling Louis with warmth and Louis grinned down at him, only stilling when Harry’s hands came to his hips again to still him.

With a sigh, Louis reluctantly lifted himself up, letting Harry slip out of him before he flopped down onto Harry’s sweaty chest, the mess of his own release smearing between their torsos, not that either of them minded. He felt Harry’s big hand come to rest on his back, tickling up and down gently, and he pressed a kiss to Harry’s pec for a brief second. They stayed there until their breaths evened out, and Louis rolled off, curling into Harry’s side as they stared at each other. Louis wriggled back slightly so he could use his hands to sign, to reassure Harry he’d loved every second of it.

_That… that was the best ever. You were just amazing, so strong and powerful, and your hands… my god._

**_You sure? I love that, feeling your throat when I’m inside you, Lou. It’s so intimate, and so… shit, it’s perfect._ **

_It is. Like you._

Harry smiled at that, leaning forward to brush his lips against Louis’ for a moment.

**_Sleep, then we can go out for a bit? I need to get that book for my next lecture._ **

Louis nodded sleepily, feeling like he needed a nap after his orgasm as always, and he let himself snuggle closer to Harry, resting his head on his chest. He was aware they needed to clean up, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up, his legs still feeling a little too jelly-like for his liking. Harry pressed a kiss to his forehead and Louis hooked the duvet up with his foot before he tangled his legs together with Harry’s, enjoying for a moment how small and protected Harry made him feel like this. This, right here, in bed with his boy, was everything.

*****

A few hours later, Harry and Louis were hand in hand walking down the street in town. It was busy, a lot of people out and doing some early festive shopping, and Louis was alert as always, making sure no harm would come to the pair of them as Harry’s eyes eagerly swept over beautiful window displays, smiling at the odd child who walked past, chatting away to their parent. Thoughts of himself and Harry with a little boy or girl between them in a few years flashed through his mind for a second, and Louis couldn’t stop himself grinning as they stopped at a zebra crossing, Louis looking up at Harry as he slid his hand out of Louis’.

**_What are you grinning at like a loon?_ **

_Nothing, just… letting my imagination run away with me again._

Harry just smiled and let Louis lead him across the road and into the small independent bookshop that was frequented by every student at one point or another in their university career. Louis meandered up and down the aisles as Harry stood in front of a shelf, painstakingly deciding which book it was he needed. Louis ran his fingers along the spines of the books, listening to the hum of conversation around him, smiling down at a toddler plonked on his bum, a picture book spread out on his lap.

“I don’t… no, I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Um, let me see if I can get a notepad or something-”

Louis’ attention was captured by the annoyed sounding voice off to the side, and he could see an older lady stood there, looking upset, a book clutched against her chest. Her grey hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and Louis could see hearing aids in her ears. He elbowed Harry as the man behind the desk sighed, rummaging around for something to write with, and Harry seemed to understand, hurrying over with Louis by his side.

**_Are you okay? Can we help?_ **

The woman signed that she was asking for a special book to be ordered, but that the gentleman behind the desk had no patience for her. Harry patted her shoulder and beckoned Louis closer, quickly signing to ask him to interpret.

“Um, excuse me?” Louis called, the man behind the desk’s eyes raising to meet his. “Uh, my boyfriend noticed your customer getting upset, and we wondered if we could help?”

“She can’t hear, mate, not sure what you can do-”

“I sign. My boyfriend’s deaf as well, so let me interpret?”

“Oh right. Cheers then.”

Louis watched as Harry and the woman conversed silently for a moment, and Harry turned to Louis, making sure he knew what was wanted as Louis spoke to the man behind the desk, placing the order for her and staying as the woman made her payment. Louis felt a little angry at the man’s initial dismissive attitude, but he was relieved he and Harry had been there to help. Eventually, the transaction was done and Harry picked up the woman’s shopping, helping her out of the shop and onto the street, where they signed at each other for a moment. Harry leaned in and hugged her quickly before she went on her way, signing and thanking Louis too, who just nodded and just signed that she was welcome.

_You’re amazing, you know that?_

**_Me? You were the one who saw there was a problem and jumped in. My little knight in shining armour._ **

_Oi, not sure we needed the height reference there, love,_ Louis signed, a cheeky grin on his face which Harry quickly kissed away. Harry disappeared back inside to buy his book, Louis leaning against the window outside the shop, aware Harry liked to be as independent as he could, and that he could more than cope with these things now. They hurried back home, grabbing some hot chocolates from Costa before they arrived back at the dorm, crashing into their room together again. 

As Louis went to take his coat off, Harry grabbed his hands, stopping him as he stared down at him, something unreadable on his face. Louis frowned, wondering what was wrong, but Harry licked his lips, as if he was contemplating what to say. Louis didn’t expect for a moment what happened next as Harry opened his mouth.

“L-Lo…” Harry sighed in frustration for a moment and he took a breath, taking Louis’ hands as he spoke again, his voice deep and beautiful to Louis’ ear, the music he never thought he’d ever get to hear from his boyfriend. “L… Louis.”

Louis let out a tearful giggle, his eyes welling already as he listened to Harry’s stunning voice for the first time. He knew Harry had never spoken before, not even to Anne despite the encouragement of his therapists during his formative years, so this meant the world to Louis. To know Harry trusted him with this, with the part of himself he didn’t even know about himself, was just _everything._ He signed and spoke now, hands shaking with joy and adrenaline.

_You… you said my name. Oh my god, Harry… your voice…_

**_Is it okay?_ **Harry signed back, looking nervous as he chewed on his bottom lip, and Louis hated his uncertainty.

_Okay? It’s bloody beautiful! Your voice is so deep, and so pure, and fuck if I don’t want to hear you say my name every single day for the rest of our lives!_

Harry laughed then, vocalising it a little and Louis’ heart went whoosh all over again, and he grabbed his boyfriend’s face, smashing their lips together for a moment, wishing he had the words to tell Harry how special this was. Harry, though, pulled back, pushing Louis gently back onto his feet.

“Louis,” he said, his voice doing things to Louis he never imagined possible, his ears practically burning with a need to hear it again. “Louis…”

“Yes, my love?” Louis spoke and signed, his heart beating rapidly in anticipation of what Harry would say next.

“I…” Harry cleared his throat, rubbing it self-consciously for a second before he took Louis’ hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it briefly. “I lo- I love you.”

Louis didn’t care that tears were tumbling down his cheeks now. He and Harry hadn’t shared those words with each other yet through sign, even though it had been more than tempting on several occasions for Louis to do so. But to hear Harry actually _speak_ them? It was beyond Louis’ wildest dreams, and he covered his face quickly with his hands, overcome with emotion. Harry pulled him into a hug, comforting him before Louis pulled back, wiping at his eyes with the sleeve of his coat, needing to reply, needing Harry to know he felt the same.

Slowly and carefully, Louis spoke the words back at Harry, knowing Harry was able to read lips, and that he’d know these words beyond a shadow of a doubt. Just before he did, he took Harry’s hand and placed it over his heart just inside his coat, knowing Harry would feel both his heartbeat and his words, words that meant so much and were the most truth Louis had ever spoken.

“I. Love. You. Too.”

**The End.**

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please [reblog the fic post](https://chloehl10.tumblr.com/post/189572872081/listen-to-your-heart-by-lovelarry10-35k) and share it!
> 
> My prompt was:  
> Prompt 191: A Louis/Harry fic where Harry is deaf and he meets sassy little Louis when they are like, five, in the playground at the local park. They grow up together, Louis acting as Harry’s ever sassy protector and sign language interpreter for classes and everyday life. They go to Uni and live together, but Harry starts to see other people and actually go on dates now that he’s outside of the confines of their small hometown. Louis does not like that, and it all culminates with a furious fight after Harry gets back from a date, and whiles they’re furiously signing between one another, Louis signs “don’t you yell at me!” and they just… stop and fucking laugh. They’re so ridiculous and so in love. Harry then shows Louis how good of a boyfriend he could be, starting in the bedroom.


End file.
